The mauling began as Bob shrieked.
“A bear?” he asked between his shrieks as the mauling continued. “Where in the blue fuck did you get a bear?”
“LANGUAGE!” shouted the HR lady.
“Sorry,” Bob said meekly. “It’s just….a bear?”
The HR lady snapped her fingers.
The bear stopped the mauling.
“You’re right,” said the HR lady. “A bear is just too much. Maybe a wolverine would be better?”
“WOLVERINE!” I shouted.
“It might be better,” said Bob and he chuckled.
“UNLEASH THE WOLVERINE!” the HR lady yelled as she pointed at a guard.
“WOLVERINE!” the guards shouted.
“Wolverine?” Bob asked.
The bear was led out of the room, looking quite unhappy.
The room fell quiet.
Suddenly, a small furry animal ran into the room and jumped on Bob.
We watched for awhile as the little animal did it’s tiny mauling.
“Do you know what you are fighting?” asked the HR lady. “You are fighting a wolverine, a small ferocious animal. For it you need a hunter, and you know, you are not a hunter.”
“I’m not?” asked Bob as tiny bits of flesh were flayed from his body.
“WOLVERINE!” we shouted.
I watched for a bit longer and a question suddenly crossed my mind.
“What is a wolverine?” I asked since that was the question that had popped into my mind.
The HR lady ran to a bookshelf and pulled down a dictionary.
“Well, looks like it’s a small animal, like a badger, but terribly ferocious. It’s also the name of a local strip club,” she said.
“Strip club?” I asked.
The HR lady looked at me.
I looked at her.
“LET’S GO!” we both said at the same time.
We ran from the room as the wolverine continued it’s assault on Bob.
As she was closing the door, we heard one last “WOLVERINE!”
As she was locking the door we heard another one more thing, quite faintly.
“Can I go?” Bob asked.
Lunatic Ravings is posted each Saturday.
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