“You want what?” she asked.
“New feets!” Bob said, pointing at his feetless legs.
She mumbled and grumbled as she walked over to her desk and picked up the phone.
A few minutes later, a door flew open and a group of uniformed workers strolled in, surrounded Bob, got to work with tools and after a few minutes left thru a different door.
“Gee, how many doors are there in this office?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know.
“Just shut the fuck up,” said the HR lady.
I gasped.
“You’re HR, using language like that?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know.
She glared at me and I decided that I genuinely didn’t want to know anything.
“Yes!” Bob yelled. “New feeeeeeeeets!”
With that said, he got up and began humming “Afternoon Delight”.
Then he started to dance while still humming.
The humming turned to singing.
The dancing turned to twerking.
I dove at Bob and tackled him to the ground.
Then I gently began tearing him apart.
As the tearing commenced, I wondered why I was doing it so gently.
I then became more vicious with my tearing and viciously continued tearing him apart.
When I was done, all that was left was a pile of goo and one blinking eyeball.
The HR lady looked down at the mess covering her office floor.
“That’s not good,” she said. “You’re most probably and definitely in some serious trouble now.”
Lunatic Ravings is posted each Saturday.
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