People say this is the stupidest timeline and truth be told they aren’t that far off from being correct.
But there is at least one even stupider*. I know because I got stuck in it one time.
Now at this point you may be thinking to yourself, “This guy sure gets himself stuck in a lot of stupid shitty timelines.” To which I can only reply, “Go fuck yourself.”
Anyway in this particular timeline everybody was either a Laurel or a Hardy or else one of The Three Stooges. Or one of The Six Stooges I should say because in addition to your Larrys, Moes and Curlies there were also Shemps and Curly Joes and Joe Bessers.
Like I said, it was a stupid place.
Since I didn’t fit into any of the stereotypes I always ended up getting cast as the straight man. I was constantly getting goofed on and shocked with hand buzzers and taking pies and seltzer water in the face.
I hated that goddamned timeline. Almost as much as I hate this one.
Because this timeline isn’t just stupid. It’s cruel.
At least in the Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges timeline everybody had a good sense of humor. But what passes for humor among certain characters in this timeline would totally ruin all the fun there. They would just think we’re a bunch of sick fucks. And when Laurel and Hardy and The Three Stooges think you’re sick fucks that really says something.
Humor-wise, I’d say in this timeline I see a lot more Biff Tannens and Chets and Rudies (the Cosby Kid not Sean Astin). And if you got all those references then my condolences because while you’re not quite old enough to be a boomer, you’re still getting pretty long in the tooth.
You all probably think I’m making up the Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges universe and never really went there or got stuck there for 750 years. And you all may or may not be right—I ain’t saying.
But I will say this.
As stupid as that Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges timeline was and as much as I hated it, I’d take it any day over this shitshow you all got going on over here.
I’d take it even if there were no Curlies or Shemps or Joe Bessers but only Curly Joes.
That’s how stupid your universe is. It’s so stupid I would willingly and happily go to an even stupider one just to get away from it.
But until that time comes I guess this is my stupid universe too.
At least there’s plenty of stupid to go around.
*The Time Aborigines of Australopithecus speak of an ancient “Bozo Universe” where everybody is a Bozo and there are no buses. The Bozo Universe is supposedly the stupidest of all possible universes, and once you have experienced The Bozo Universe you can live secure in the knowledge that while things could still get worse at least they can never possibly get any stupider.
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