Musings on the Eve of Destruction

You’re probably expecting me to say something about the election. It is the orange elephant in the room after all. In my old timeline we were facing the same horror shitshow. But come calamity or calm waters I figure the point is moot anyway because America has obviously lost its way somewhere along the line to have even put ourselves into this sort of situation in the first place. Again.

So there you go, that’s my wooden nickel as they say.

And don’t bother asking me about the results because I have no idea. I haven’t been able to make any jumps here in this timeline so far, for some reason.

So I’m just as clueless as the rest of you.

Well, not quite that clueless…

But still pretty clueless.

I’ve been thinking about my old friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible a lot lately.  I could really use his incomprehensible guidance about now. I haven’t heard from him ever since this whole timeline breach thing.  The last time I seen him he was leaving this bar on Zappa Seven-Thirteen with three young blonde Tarnufians who were making a strange sort of walking triangular sandwich out of him.  I don’t know if he even exists in this timeline.  And I’m pretty sure that even if he did he wouldn’t know me anyway since we’ve never even met in the current timeline.

Or have we…?

I do seem to remember Schmelnoz once telling me that he had met me once in another timeline.

Or another timeline’s version of me anyway.

He said in that one I had a goatee and mustache.

The Song In Bob’s Head

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Spamrider of the Apocalypse is just some crazy dude who contacted us out of the blue one day claiming to be a time traveler who had discovered that he had already been publishing information on our website for years while he was visiting the future.  Neither me or Steve had ever heard of him before so we don’t know if he’s ACTUALLY crazy or what, but he’s definitely weird, and is probably full of crap, so we both just looked at each other, shrugged are shoulders, and pretty much just went with it.

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