So Gary Coleman threw a big party the other night, right here in Bob’s closet. Now you may be wondering how Bob’s closet could possibly hold enough people to constitute a “party”. Well I’m telling you Gary threw a BASH! There had to be over 150 people in here. In Bob’s closet. What you may be forgetting is that Gary is a Dimension Lord. So he just knoozled Bob’s closet so that it was bigger on the inside. WAY bigger. And then he schnizzled in a bunch of people from all throughout multiple dimensions of time and space. He even schnizzled in Sir Elton John to play grand piano and entertain, backed by a full orchestra. When Gary knoozles and schnizzles he doesn’t mess around. Don Knotts was even there. The Professor from the real Gilligan’s Island in another universe Don Knotts I mean—not the real Don Knotts, though you can scarcely tell the difference. That universe’s version of Ginger and Mary Ann schnizzled along too. Ginger actually looks like Tina Louise, but Mary Ann looks like Ann B. Davis from The Brady Bunch. I had to be careful to call her Mary Ann and not Alice all night, just like I have to be careful to call The Professor Roy Hinkley and not Don Knotts. I also have to remember not to call Gary Coleman Arnold because every time I do he punches me in the nuts, which of course for him are hanging right there at punching bag level. That Ginger and Mary Ann were a real hoot. Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible was even there. It turns out that Gary knows a version of Schmelnoz from another dimension. So he didn’t know me obviously. And I didn’t even try to introduce myself. He was too busy snorting Galoofrian Gargosnux (or “loofin’” as the kids call it) and fondling and molesting everybody and everything that came within reach of his snoofladorapod or his wandering turkas. So I kept my distance. I spent most of the night (or whenever it was) circulating about and meeting some of the weird cats that Gary Coleman has made friends with during his excursions throughout multidimensional time and space. And when I say cats I literally mean cats. There had to be like 50 cats there. And man were they weird. But alas that is a story for another time because here comes you know who. Chick Shit chick had such a good time at the party that she still hasn’t stopped dancing and I think he’s finally coming in to see what’s going on. Also, it’s time for him to change our slop buckets. Laters!
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