I know it’s been a few years now since I bitched about the time change but with all the recent rigamarole I figured it’s about time to start bitching again. I can only lament that I don’t have my dear friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible around this time to chime in on the matter, though I can pretty much imagine what he would say. I can tell you one thing for sure though—whatever he said it would be incomprehensible.
So now Trump and a lot of the Republicans want to get rid of the time change, which I personally am all for, and put the nation on permanent Daylight Saving Time, which I am mostly against (I would prefer it to what we have now but that isn’t saying much).
And the thing is, this would be just like the Republicans to do.
Please allow me to me explain myself.
So when we set our clocks forward an hour in the spring we are essentially giving up an hour of our lives. Now of course I am speaking of our lives as we reckon and live them, not actually how many hours we live. The fact that those are two different things should tell you right away we’re going to run into some issues.
So anyway, as far as we reckon and live our lives we lose an hour in the spring. It just disappears right off the clock. Mercifully they take it from us while most of us are sleeping so we don’t notice it so much. But we sure do feel it in the morning, and often for days or weeks after that as well.
So who are we giving up all those hours to? Let’s call him The Man.
So every year we each give The Man an hour of our lives in the spring and the deal is supposed to be that every year he gives it back to us in the fall. Nevermind that he keeps it for eight months out of the year and only gives it back to us for four.
So now, what Dirty D and the Republicans want to do is keep all those hours we gave to them in the spring and just never give them back to us at all. Which as I said earlier just seems like a very Republican-like thing to do.
So what’s The Man going to do with all those millions of hours Americans forked over to him that he’s now never going to give back?
Probably just store them in the bathroom at Mar-a-Lago I guess.
Spamrider of the Apocalypse is posted each Sunday.
Visit the column homepage.
