I would like to proudly announce the management of TheWeirdcrap.com has awarded the Ask Bob column a prestigious award. I am now the recipient of the “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate” Award. It was explained to me that the owners wanted to give me “The Finger” in a family friendly way…so this was it.
Sure, it’s just a two inch plastic trophy of a 10yr old holding a baseball bat that says, “Participation Award” But still, it’s very special to me…and you are now reading the AWARD WINNING Ask Bob column!
Have a question about life that no one else cares about? Ask Bob, and I’ll answer in my AWARD WINNING column!
Speak of the Devil…
Craven asks:
Why do dogs eat shit?
Dear Craven,
You may look at your dog roaming around the yard, killing any vermin that enters your space and think what a good dog! Personally I pick up at least two dead possums a year because of our fearless mutt.
But then he turns around and eats some poop. He’s well fed, so what’s up?
It may seem like he’s a complete idiot.
I mean, just look at chickens, they eat their own poo and they’re idiots. I don’t think there is a dumber animal that that bird. As a youth, my family had a chicken coup and it was my task to care for them. I grew to despise these creatures.
First when you enter the coup, you have to shoo them away from the door, they scatter, then you can enter with the food. But as you pour the chicken feed in the trough, they’ll run toward you and peck at your feet and legs. They’re so stupid they don’t know your there to feed them although this may 2000th time you’ve come in with the food.
Our feeding trough was just two, two by fours put together to form a “V” shape where you put the food. When they eat, they jump on top, put one foot on each side of the “V” and walk forward pecking at the food. As they walk along eating, they also poop. Usually there’s another chicken behind him eating, unable to differentiate between the food and the previous chicken’s poop. So they just eat the poop with the food.
Think about it, that’s like a cat drinking from his water dish, then turning around and pissing in the dish, only to take one more drink…but they don’t do that, because they got instincts that tells them not to eat in the same place they poop or pee.
That’s where chickens are different. They’re too dumb to even have instincts.
Anyways, back to the dogs. Seems like they’re just as dumb as chickens, but it’s not true!
Rather than reinvent the wheel, I’m just going to share some of the info from my publication, “Eat Shit!” which was available at the Facebook market place…until they cancelled TheWeirdcrap.com’s account.
So in that publication, I explain how our world has been totally destroyed several times over. Each time, intelligent life emerged, only to be destroyed again…then we start all over again. It’s an endless cycle.
I guess you might be thinking how this relates to dogs eating poop, but I assure you it is very related. In fact, the only way to understand what is going on with those dogs is to know the past history of our planet.
It just so happens, I have been given witness to the entire history of planet Earth and its past civilizations.
It all started with a dream.
I silently witnessed aliens carrying possessions onto a space craft.
I remember, one alien stopping on a ramp, looking back in sorrow, drop his head down and slowly continue on his way. But it was just a dream, all in a dream, the loading had begun…flying mother natures silver seed to a new home in the sun.
When I woke, I wondered what all this meant, so I kneeled down at the side of my bed and prayed…but not to a magical grey haired man in the sky, but to the alien intelligence of eons past. I prayed to know the meaning of this dream. I prayed for an intervention.
Then I went back to bed.
I awoke to a glowing presence above my bed.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I am the answer to your prayers.” It replied.
“Show me the answer.” I stated.
“I will…follow me.”
He floated out to the garage and I followed.
The garage door opened by itself and my car started, so I got inside.
The car drove on its own. Floating in front of the car was the presence. I looked behind as we drove down the street to see the garage door close.
We drove to an empty field called “Strawberry Fields”. I was named this because back in the cowboy days, legend tells of Aliens who visited this area and shared marijuana with the locals. They liked it so much, they planted some of the seeds left behind. This was the worlds first marijuana farm, later named “Strawberry Fields” because of that Beatles song. The farm was destroyed a few years later when some “G” men found it while looking for the long lost B battery.
The car stopped and I got out.
“Dig” the entity instructed.
“But I don’t have a…” before I could say the word, the shovel appeared in my line of vision.
“Dig” he instructed again…
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
