Wow! What a difference a week can make in your life.
I thought I was going to have a special guest write this column, but that’s not going to happen since my good friend Jerome is currently acting out some sort of Messiah complex for Stephen’s new religion.
This caused me to go into a deep depression and the prison doctor had no choice but to change my medication to something new.
After taking this new medication, I immediately passed out a woke up a few days later. The only thing I felt like doing was watching tv and was shocked at what I learned.
People killing each other in the Middle East. Children abducted. A missing person found dead in a park a year after her disappearance. And the list goes on.
But what struck me as the most depressing was the fact that I was just a trailer-park-stripper-whore-who-had-maybe-given-birth-to-an-alien-and-tried-to-kill-her-husband bitch.
Talk about a wake up call!!!
I read what I had recently written and it is quite obvious that I have severe mental problems!! I am NOT the mother of Bob’s new baby and I am very sorry about any confusion or anger that I might have caused.
Also, I took a good look in the mirror and found that I am quite ugly!! I will never amount to anything and will probably spend my life sleeping around with any desperate male (or female) that I can find. I don’t know if that’s really true, but that’s how I feel right now. Maybe it’s the new drugs.
As with all trailer park whores, I will eventually end with a nasty sexually transmitted disease that will cause my face and groin to be covered with oozing pustules of pus.
Don’t pity me. It’s my calling in life and it’s how I was raised.
But then again, maybe not!
As for now, I have prison life which isn’t that bad. Later this week the doctor is going to have me take a test drug so he can see if there are any side effects. I feel this is the least I can do for those that I might have hurt at one time or another!!
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: I am the ugliest woman on the face of the earth and I have proof!!
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