Last week I gave you some tips on first dates. I have found that some of you actually go out on a second date with the same person so I’m going to go ahead and give you some tips for the second date. Please don’t bother to thank me either.
You should have slept with your date a couple of times by now. Sex is a serious business so it’s time to get serious with your new mate.
1) As soon as the second date begins, start talking about kids. If this seems to scare your partner, tell him that you don’t like kids and offer to sleep with him.
2) If the conversation about kids doesn’t pan out, immediately start talking about marriage. If everything falls into place correctly, you should find yourself discussing marriage immediately after having sex. This way he would have forgotten about the conversation you had 5 minutes before about kids. If talking about marriage seems to be scaring him, offer to sleep with him again but tell him you’ll invite over your girlfriend so she could join in.
3) When your girlfriend shows up, tell him that you’ve never done it with three people before and that you need time to think about it. He’ll do anything you want so ask him to take you and your friend out to dinner. No matter what happens the rest of the night you’ll at least have had a free meal for you and your friend.
4) Pretend to drink a lot of alcohol and start acting like you’re very, very drunk. Make sure you tell your friend to do the same thing. The best time to do this would be when you both have to go to the bathroom together to “powder your noses”. He will never think that something is up. If you and your friend pretend to be drunk he’ll think that he’s got you both in the bag.
5) Make sure he drinks lots of alcohol. If he claims that he’s a non-drinker, tell him what he’ll be missing if you and your friend
decide to go straight home after dinner. I guarantee he’ll start drinking.
6) Make sure he gets extremely drunk. Find a local Justice of the Peace and get married. Make sure you don’t spend more than $50.00 for this. Actually, you really don’t have to worry about the cost since you can just use the money from his wallet. Remember, whatever is his, is yours. This rule applies if you’re married or not.
7) Get prepared for married bliss! I have nabbed 7 husbands this way and my marriages were full of fun and happiness. Sure, they didn’t last long, but I got something out of it and that’s really all that matters.
Some people might think my tactics are a little bit underhanded, but I’m only looking for what’s best for me. My tactics have worked and made me what I am today, and I am not a bit ashamed.
NEXT WEEK: I’m on vacation.
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