Something Is Not Quite Right!!!

Oh well, I’ve had another minor setback!!!

For the last week, I felt something wasn’t quite right with me. I thought that I had a tumor or maybe even syphillis, but my eagle-eyed cellmate informed me that my huge boob was getting smaller!! Thank goodness it wasn’t a tumor!!

I went to the prison doctor and he told me that I had probably developed an immunity to the side effects caused by the boob growing drug. This upset me because I was supposed to start with the freak show this week!!!

He told me not to worry and that he would come up with an alternative. Sure enough, the next day he called me to his office and showed me a valve stem from a bicycle!!! He showed me how he could dig a hole in my breast and insert the valve stem, then when I needed it to grow bigger, I would just attach a tire pump to the stem and pump away!!! Doctor’s sure are smart!!

A couple of hours later, I was in the operating room. He told me that it was an easy procedure, and it sure must have been because I was up and walking around less than 30 minutes later!!

The valve stem implant worked exactly as he said it would, and now I have my enormous boob back!! Sure, it’s only big for a couple of hours before it deflates, but that’s good enough for the freak show.

But the best thing is that the valve stem might only be temporary!!! The doctor told me that he could attach one of those blow up thingys that you find on a beach ball!! That would sure draw the crowd in!!!

The only problem is that my neck is too short for me to bend down and blow into the blow up thingy since it can’t be attached to the top of the boob since that would be very unattractive. This is something that would definitely have to go on the underside of the boob so that I would look natural.

Soon, even that problem might be resolved since the doctor is inventing a drug that can make your neck grow longer without (hopefully) any side effects!! Just picture me on the stage bending down to blow into my boob to make it bigger. Wouldn’t that be neat?!!

See ya!!!

NEXT WEEK: My first show?

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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