Without Melissa, the emails keeps pouring in and it’s getting harder and harder to pick something for this column.
Out of the two we received last week, we decided to go with the one below since it was slightly disturbing. We have nothing against things that are disturbing, but we felt that this went that extra mile for disturbedness (new word!)
It’s from someone named Yvonne. We have not idea where’s she from, but can safely assume that it might be in an insane asylum somewhere.
Many times I have asked myself, “If I were an animal, what animal would I like to be?”
I first think that it would be neat to be a bird. I would be able to fly everywhere and have total freedom. But I can’t stand the taste of worms, so I don’t want to be a bird.
A horse would be kind of neat. I could be a race horse and win lots of ribbons and money. But I might slip and break a leg and then I would be put to death. I don’t want to be a horse.
A koala bear is cute and I wouldn’t mind being a cute animal. I could hang out in a tree all day eating leaves, but I might eat a leaf that was sprayed with pesticide and die a horrible death. I don’t want to be a koala bear.
It would be kind of neat to be a wolf, but they usually run in packs and I’m a loner, so I don’t want to be a wolf.
Maybe I shouldn’t be an animal.
I could be a bug.
Ants are fun to watch and I would make a good ant. I work hard and don’t let anything get in my way. But I do have a fear of being crushed by a giant creature, so I don’t want to be an ant.
A bee would also be fun, but I don’t like people who hit me because I have a tendency to hit back very hard. If I was a bee, I would die after I extracted revenge, so I don’t want to be a bee.
Maybe a fly would be nice. Flies like shit and so do I. Yes, fly it is!
And there you have it. A bit interesting, but if this is what we continue to receive, we’re going to have to dedicate this weekly column to Swedish Animal Porn. We’ll just have to post new pictures from Sweden farms every week.
I think Yvonne has promise for this website, we’ll see. I like the way she writes, but maybe something more about what it’s like to be a girl. The column IS called “Chick Shit for Chic Chicks”, after all. Plus we started this to get a female’s perspective on things, but then Melissa went off the deep end.
Maybe that’s what you want.
NEXT WEEK: See the chicken jump the cow!!!!
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!
