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The muffled whispers were drowned out by the megaphone. The spotlight from the police chopper was shining down on the house, and bits of the light were filtering through the windows. The family I was holding hostage was beginning to piss me off with their incessant noise. I turned toward them and told them to shut the fuck up. They didn’t listen, so I fired off a round with my rifle. The sound calmed them slightly, but they were completely silent when I pointed the barrel at the head of the oldest guy, probably the father. Since there were no women, I assumed that the mother was out shopping with the daughters.They had no idea that I wouldn’t kill them, that I couldn’t force myself to commit murder.
I was put into this situation by my girlfriend, now deceased. Well actually, it was her friend, Kelly. I dated Kelly for about a year. Then I met her best friend from college. Jen was a little shorter and thinner than Kelly, but had a much more open personality. We became good friends, nothing more. One day I got home late from work and Kelly was sitting in the living room, waiting for me. She began to accuse me of cheating on her, which I denied fervently and truthfully. In the end she was so convinced I was cheating on her, that she dumped me and moved to California with her family.
That was four years ago. Two years ago, Jen and I started dating, and it’s been the happiest two years of my life. I was on my way home after work, and decided I was going to propose to her. After selecting the ring I headed to my house, but knew immediately that something wasn’t right. The door was opened, and a strange car was in the driveway. I entered the house, which was dark because all the shades had been pulled down. A voice came from the corner of the room.
“I knew you were cheating on me.” It was Kelly. She was sitting in the same chair as she did four years ago, only this time, she was holding my hunting rifle. “I couldn’t get over how desperate you were to convince me that you were faithful, so I came back one more time. I even brought a vase of flowers as a peace offering. When Jen answered the door, I knew I had been right. I lost control and smashed the vase over her head. Then, I broke open your gun cabinet, took your rifle, and shot her in the back. She’s laying dead behind the door.”
“Do you really think you can get away with this?”
Yes. In case you don’t remember, I’m a very fast thinker. I was careful not to get my fingerprints on the gun. Then, as soon as I saw your car pull up, I called the police. I told them that I came over to visit my friend from college, and found her lying dead on the floor, and you were washing your hands at the sink. Then I said that I had grabbed the gun from by the door, clubbed you with it, and I’ve been holding you prisoner ever since.
There’s one problem with your story.”
If you clubbed me, why don’t I have a mark?”
That’s an easy problem to fix.” As she made this remark, Kelly stood and swung the gun at me. However, I was ready for it and caught it by the stock. We fought for the gun for a moment until, though I still don’t know how, it fired. It clipped Kelly in the shoulder, causing her to lose her grip on the barrel and fall to the ground.
Now, unlike Kelly, I am not a fast thinker. I panicked, ran out to my car and backed out of the driveway. As I looked in my rear-view mirror, I saw the police pulling up. I looked at the house and saw Kelly run out onto the porch, clutching her shoulder, pointing at me. I rolled down my window and heard her shout “That’s him! That’s the killer!” I began to panic more than I already had. I decided to try and get away. I dropped my foot onto the gas pedal and sped off.
As I was getting toward the middle of the city, I decided to look back and see how close the cops were. There were a large number of cruisers behind me, as well as a chopper in the sky. Looking back was a stupid move on my part, because I decided to count them. About the time I got to eleven, my car hit something in the road, and began swerving uncontrollably. I slammed into a telephone pole, lucky that I was wearing a seatbelt. I stumbled out of the car, and ran to the first house in front of me. I swung the door open, pointed the gun, and got the people in a circle on the floor. This brings the story to the present moment.
The police were yelling for me to drop my weapon. I tried to think, but this wasn’t exactly the environment for that. I looked back at the three hostages. Wait a minute, I thought there were four of them?
**The next day**
I wake up in a hospital bed, and look over to see a police officer sitting in a chair. “You’re awake,” he says. “Good.”
“Well, one of your hostages snuck around you and knocked you out. About the same time, the SWAT team charged through the front door. They hauled you out on a stretcher, you,ve been out ever since.”
“I guess I’ve got a long time as someone’s bitch ahead of me in some federal ‘Pound-me-in-the-ass Prison’.”
“Actually, no. Your girlfriend didn’t die. The bullet missed the vital organs, and she told us the truth. We have the other girl locked up in a room down the hall until her shoulder heals. She confessed to the attempted murder.”
“What about the family I held hostage? I would press charges if I were in their position. I can just imagine how the wife must have felt when she got home.”
“Well see, that’s the funny part. There is no wife. The people you were holding hostage were running a meth lab in their basement. We never had the information neccessary to bust them, though. You breaking in there and holding them hostage gave us the right to be on the premises. Once there, it didn’t take long to get the evidence we needed to lock them up. You’re actually a hero. Congratulations.”