Ambulance of Doom

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“Hey there, you alright sir?”

“He may not respond.”

“Why’s ‘at?”

“He appears to be dead.”

“Check ‘is pulse?”


“Well ‘en, let’s get ‘im in the back.”

“Right.” Rick put his hat back on and the two flung the corpse into the back of the ambulance, “Good night, eh?”

“Well, if its all the same to you, I’d rather go back to the station.”

“Eh? Why?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t feel all that up to it tonight.”

“Well ‘at don’t matter. This a job, Rick. Ya can’t jus’ go about sayin’ ‘I don’ feel like it’ any time ya want”, Steve pulled his shotgun out the side of his window and aimed. After a second he fired and hit an old lady, “Dang.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Thought I might get one that wasn’t on the Reaper’s To Do list already. Sort of pointless, ya know?”

There was a pause as Rick simply stared out his side of the window. Steve tried again, “Well now, what’s a matta with you?”

“Ah, nothing.”

“Roight, nothin’. Just what ah thought. Ya mopin’ around in ‘ere and ya were mopin’ around back in the station. What’s wrong?”

“Eh, problems at home I suppose you could say.”

“Oh? Daughter pregnant?”

“I don’t have a daughter.”

“Mailman buggerin’ ya wife?”


“Well, what is it then?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just, I don’t really feel all that satisfied. I mean, is this how you pictured your life turning out?”

Steve aimed his shotgun again and mumbled, “Yeh, pretty much.” He fired and, after a close look, yelled out, “Agh! Darn poodles! Thought it was a hairy midget. ‘Ere, you want a try?”

“No. Just keep your eyes on the road. I want to go back to the station.”

There was another pause before Steve offered his sage advice, “Look, not everythin’ turns out the way you want it to, ya know? But ya can’t let that get ya down. Otherwise, you’re just stuck there, doin’ nothin’ but gettin’ yourself down. Ya gotta do what ya can with what ya got. That’s the true measure of a man, ya know?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Ya darn right I’m right. Come on now, ya want a shot?”

“Oh, fine.” Rick took the shotgun and aimed as the ambulance veered around a corner. He pulled the trigger and the gun jolted backwards.

“Oi! Look at ‘at! Now that’s a good one. Blonde, right?”

“Yeah, perfect. Wonder why I never met a girl like that.”

“Oh, stop it now. Honestly, you’re a smart guy. Ya got nuthin’ to worry ’bout. You put your mind to it ‘an ah’m sure you’ll do somethin’ great one day.”

The ambulance stopped and Rick and Steve hopped out, putting their black gloves on, “Hey Steve, you ever think about doing something else with your life?”

“Me? Nah. This is what life’s all ’bout, my friend.”

Originally posted 03/22/2003

More Strange Stories…

Aluric Dai

This author submitted two stories back in 2003.

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