So you voted for a boob last time. Next time, vote McBoobs for President!
Never too early to start campaigning!
I know that it seems like a long shot, but it could happen. Someday you will have your Wednesday night TV shows interrupted (there’s nothing on TV on Wednesdays anyway) with President McBoobs State of the Union Address. I will replace “hail to the chief” with my own theme song: “ What’s new Pussycat”.
I will outlaw all TV Reality shows – with the exception of The Osbornes. The networks can play those re-runs, to prove to my nation that you can achieve the American dream of tons of cash-ola, but your dog will still shit in your house.
I will enact a decree that whoever causes the demise of a relationship must be sent into exile at the North Pole. I think that this will alleviate a lot of uncomfortable moments such as having to work with them, or seeing them at the mall, thus reducing stress in the community at large. The exiled will be allowed to return when the “dumped” finds someone better and richer than the “dumper”.
I will appoint my father as the director of fine arts and antiquities, because he is always picking other peoples junk out of the trash. So he must know something we don’t about spotting a “treasure”.
I already promised Stephen (Lunatic Ravings) that he could be Vice President… He’s going to campaign for me at all of the nation’s breweries, strip clubs and bars. That should help.
I will also erase unemployment by outlawing those automated phone systems and replacing them with REAL people. I hate that “push 1, push 2” shit! Not that real people will be any better at answering phones, but you do get more satisfaction out of cursing out a human.
I will retract President Fords’ “No Assassination policy”, that way any foreign countries who give the US any shit, can be shot or forced to listen to the Billie Eilish on an endless loop until they apologize.
I will also halt all foreign aid… nobody gets a dime unless they dance and I don’t mean regular bad night club dancing – I mean LORD OF THE DANCE, DANCING! That whole nation, I don’t care how fucked up they are, they will earn their aid! Additionally, I will televise this “entertainment” on Wednesday nights.
And you can kiss France goodbye… their country has approximately 20 minutes to evacuate.
So Vote for me, or else! You won’t regret it. If elected, I will be placing suggestion boxes at every post office in America I will read your suggestion’s everyday and address them accordingly. And please lets be grownup about it – No eat me’s, cigarette butts, trash or used condoms should be deposited in them, doing so could ruin it for every one.
This has been an announcement from the Hooty for President Committee, brought to you by the letters F & U.
Thank you!
Next week: Something written by me, while at work…
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
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