I wish to make an addendum to last week’s column “Shit I will change when I am the President”:
Majority Rules! This will be the motto of my office. I say this because if 80% of the population smokes, cigarettes that is, then smoking can not be banned; hence, Majority Rules! And the Non-smokers, who want to live forever, can stay home and take vitamins.
In addition to Majority Rules, I will institute the “ Shit means what it means” rule. This rule will be put in place in order to elevate the confusion of “ I’ll take the next in line”. Next in line does not mean that the last person in line moves to the front of the newly opened line. It means THE NEXT IN LINE i.e. the person after the person being waited on, not the jack-ass at the end or even the third in line! Now I am fully aware that this rule can be, and will be abused by men, but it will be a small price to pay when you’re behind the yutz with a bag of pennies at the grocery store.
I will abolish English that we can’t understand! If you are having trouble speaking English, even though you were born here, then get the Hooked on Phonics app…for the love of god, the first month is just $1!
I am sick of hearing stuff like, “Rizz”, “Sus”, “no cap” and “the Shiznit”… I don’t know what any of this means!?
I will also require people to take a test for a parenting license. Now, I am borderline in the parenting area and probably received a C- on the test, but I must be doing something right because I have yet to find pipe bomb fixens in my sons room (you must always snoop around, kids LIE!) and my daughter has yet to run off with some perv from the internet.
Ok… that’s it!…I think?
Next week: What I did last Saturday night…go ahead guess!
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!
