After reading Melissa Paternik’s latest “Chick Shit” column I feel like I need to come clean about something.
Bob Semitram and I have also been lovers for decades and I have personally borne seventeen of his time babies.
Shocking, I know.
What you probably don’t know is that Bob wasn’t just making shit up that time when he said he is a time traveler.
Bob and I have literally been lovers throughout millennia.
Our affair began when we were both stuck imprisoned in a dark and dingy dungeon in the midst of The French Revolution. Bob was part of a group of handlebar-mustachioed brutes who repeatedly gang-raped me.
But of all those brutes, Bob was the nicest and the gentlest.
Since our escape we have kept in touch throughout the centuries, meeting up at certain intervals at our special place we lovingly refer to as “Brokeback Dungeon” in order to rekindle our forbidden love.
I’d say I can’t believe Bob has also been stepping out and pretending to be in love with that Chick Shit chick, but the truth is I can totally believe it.
Because when it comes to Bob Semitram the only thing you can ever know for sure is how much you really don’t know about him.
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