i drik drihy7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h7h76nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt6nyt
Note from the Editor:
I posted this column without reading it first. My mistake, the original title of “ASDLKJFAWWWWWWW???!!” really should’ve given me a clue that something was up.
Apparently Randy set out to write a helpful guide on making the perfect gin and tonic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t confident in the recipe, so he decided to “research.” And by “research,” I mean he performed 47 consecutive taste tests. At some point Randy achieved a spiritual state known as “keyboard-mashing enlightenment.”
The column you saw was created when he attempted to type while:
- blind drunk,
- intermittently unconscious, and
- using his face as his primary input device.
When he finally woke up, he briefly wondered who had tattooed “QGHJKL” across his forehead, shrugged, and hit send. And thus another chapter of Weirdcrap history was born.
Since Randy is a recovering alcoholic, we’ve decided it’s probably best that he no longer writes a weekly column about mixing drinks. Therefore, this week’s Drunken Advice for Drunken Drunkards is:
“If you’re a recovering alcoholic, maybe don’t choose bartender as your side hustle or don’t write a column about mixing drinks.”
Randy has now checked himself into rehab, where he will remain until further notice, or until he can type an entire paragraph without drooling on the spacebar, whichever comes first.
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!
Maybe…
