Drunken Advice for Drunken Drunkards – Part III

Before the Drunken Advice:

Note from Editor: Still no Chick Shit writer! Anyone interested in writing a column that no one reads for free, send me an email! Until then….

More Drunken Advice for Drunken Drunkards by Randy Bone…

Margaritas are delicious and I love them but they are almost always overpriced and I have to drink a lot of them to really catch any sort of buzz. And the more of them I drink, the more likely I am to end up with a bellyache.

Tequila has never made me crazy the way it apparently does some people.

Maybe it’s because I’m already crazy anyway.

I used to have a friend who said, “Different drugs affect different people differently.”

I would say the same thing goes for liquor.

I’ve known some mean whiskey drunks.

With other people it’s wine.

Experienced drunks don’t usually get that messed up on just beer but it’s been known to happen.

But it’s a lot easier to get messed up with liquor. Especially if it’s concealed and camouflaged in some mixed drink. But even if it isn’t just as long as you’ve got the fortitude for it.

There was a guy at my high school who died at the prom from drinking Everclear.

They were able to resuscitate him, but after that everybody called him Jim “Everclear” Greer.

At least that’s what they would have called him if his name had been Jim Greer.

But it wasn’t, so they didn’t.

But it was something like that.

So margaritas.

I prefer them frozen with the salt around the rim of the glass. You can keep the straw.

It’s just the kid in me loves slurpin’ salty delicious slushies I suppose.

Plus, when you get them on the rocks they just end up watered down.

When you get them frozen they come already watered down so they have to mix them stronger just so they will still taste the same.

It’s science.

Anyway, a couple margaritas every once in awhile is nice.

But I don’t think me or my stomach could handle living in Margaritaville with Jimmy Buffet and his blender for very long.

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Randy Bone

Randy Bone contributed stories back in the beginning days of TheWeirdcrap.com. His stories are creative, strange, and fun. More fiction is available at his website, but be warned, it can be offensive and is not meant for children or adults.

http://writings.randybone.com

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