Ask Bob: To “V” or not to “V”

By Bob Senitram

The other week while watching t.v. I heard the President stress, “I urge every American to go get your shot…”

Wanting to be a good American, not only did I get one…I stayed at that bar til’ closing time with multiple shots under my belt. When I came to, the next morning my wife got me dressed and dragged me to a vaccination clinic.

I didn’t want to go because I’ve read a good sci-fi story or two, where people get a genetic alteration via a vaccine or sumthin’ else and end up with an extra arm growing out of their back. Or even worse, they end up sterile and its the end of civilization. Only handful of men can reproduce, making them a prized population stud. I figured if I didn’t get the vaccine…that would be me!

Aaaah, Good times.

But sadly that was not the case. The ‘ol lady lured my into the car by giving me a sugar cube. Which is her secret weapon to get me to do anything I don’t want to do. Two sugar cubes later, I ended up with a shot in the arm.

Then I got to thinking. I bet that damn Stephen Johnson (Lunatic Ravings) didn’t get his shot and now he’ll be the populatin stud instead of me…that bastard! I’m sure this is all his fault somehow. He’s bitter because as a write-in candidate in 2016, he actually won…and it was stolen from him.

But that’s a story for another day.

That got me to thinkin’, “What would happen if 75% of the population got vaccinated and what would happen if 75% of people didn’t get vaccinated. So I figured there are two scenarios possible in our current situation…

Scenario #1: 75% of the population decides not to get the vaccination.

In this case the virus has a hey-day and becomes more infectious. Most the population dies off. The remaining 25% of the population needs a work force because everybody’s gone…no immigrants to replace them because other contries died off too.

The US allows experimentation to increase the cognitave abilities of Apes so they can serve as a work force. It’s a great success and we get an Ape work force.

Just our luck that the change in genetics increases intelligence on a logrithmetric scale and they eventually become more intelligent than humans. They soon become unsatisfied with their lot in life, and the rest is Ape history.

Apes take over the world. Humans are used as the work force as the Ape’s advanced technology takes them to the stars.

Scenario #2: 75% gets the vaccination!

Coronovirus is eventually as harmless as the common cold.

All is good…right?

Well, as any fan of science fiction (or Q member) would know, genetic manipulation of any kind eventually leads to unexpected concequences. Most humans are sterile and can’t reproduce. Most of that people that can reproduce have extra limbs growing out of their bodies and are so unattractive, no-one will reproduce with them.

The earth is eventually wiped clean of humans. With no more humans, global warming declines and the world becomes a tropical paradise. Only there’s no one to live in it…except Apes.

I’ll cut to the chase…Apes take over the world…Again!

Three!

Three scenario’s are possible…

Scenerio #3: It was all a bad dream!

I wake up, thinking, “Geez, my job is gone! I got no money. But I do have a few bottles of beer in the fridge, and two weeks before I get kicked out of my apartment.”

The phone rings. I answer, only find my boss on the line, “What the hell happened to you? Why aren’t you at work?’

“Coronovirus…” I say, before I’m interupted.

“Corono…who? Just get down here if you can.”

“Uuuummmm, ok.” I reply.

I check the news app on my phone…no mention of Coronovirus is to be found.

“Why…it was all just a bad dream.” I think to myself. I pull my tie nice and snug against the starched collar of my white shirt and head to work.

I swipe my security badge in the door, but it stays locked.

“What the hell are you doing?” A voice shouts from behind.

“You know you’re not allowed to enter from here, go to the back where you belong! And what’s with the suit and tie? Is this some kind of joke? You don’t need a suit to clean toilets.”

“Clean toilets? But I’m a bookkeeper.” I say as I turn around only to see a frowning Ape overlord.

Coming Next: Stop the stolen steal!

3 thoughts on “Ask Bob: To “V” or not to “V”

  1. Yeah, I’ll be your populatin’ overlord. And there ain’t a darn thing you can do about it.

    Now, about that 2016 election thingy? Do NOT tell the folks what happened. I have bats……..

    1. You mean the whoosh-whoosh type of bats that used to love to hang out in my attic or the bonk bonk on the head type of bats?

      I can handle the bonk-bonk types, but I say NICK’S to those whoosh-whoosh’s!

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