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| Alarmingly Strange Stories |
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The Frogman |
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| Most people will do anything for food. Women get pregnant so they can abort the fetus
and sell it for food, and then they put breast-milk in bottles and sell it. Some people, when really hungry, cut
off parts of their bodies and eat them. Any source of blood is cherished for food, it's soaked in paper and and
eaten when it hardens. Quite a treat. The world of the common man spiraled down the toilet into a place we now call the United States of America. "I got gas," Billy said quietly. "Oh, shuddup already! His mother screamed. The Umbilical cord sprang to attention. With lightning speed it struck Billy's mother on the side of the head and knocked her out. Not able to take it anymore, the Frogman whipped out his machete and screamed, "I AM THE FROGMAN! THE ONE AND ONLY FROGMAN, AND OJ'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, YOU MUTHA-FUCKING STRINGS OF SHIT!!! He turned to Billy's mother and hacked her breast off. He cried as he hacked away at her. They all stared in awe as it fell to the ground. Not a single drop of blood came from the dried prune. It rolled into the blood that had spilled from the Frogman's finger and started to pulsate. It started soaking up the blood. With newfound energy, the slimy blob of flesh started to slither toward Billy. "Look out! It'll devour you'" Shouted the Frogman. The cord struck. It grabbed the mutant-breast and within a glance it wrapped itself around the slithering beast and choked it like a python. A familiar blue haze surrounded the cord and its prey. The intensity of the light grew until no one could see. When they all regained their sight the mutant-breast was gone. This was the first time the Frogman had ever seen the cord devour something. "My God, its alive," he said to himself barely moving his lips. A slow transformation overtook Billy as the idiots look disappeared from his face. The cord had lifted the clouds from his eyes. He looked right into the Frogman's eyes. His eyes pierced the Frogman's heart. "The time for waiting is over. I now know our destiny. Together, you, I, and the cord. We shall unite this broken land. We shall mend this broken world. The reign of the immortals will end! Starting on this day. For once, the Frogman was speechless. "Those who oppose the cord will know pain unlike any known. The cord will bring death to those who are against us...and that death will be eternal. You and I, my good friend, will lead the new order. You have been right all along...YOU ARE THE FROGMAN!" "I knew it," the Froggy said to himself. "And the chord?" he said out loud. "The cord shall show us the way!" Billy shouted. "Blessed be thy cord." The Frogman bowed and kissed the end of the cord, "Blessed be thy cord," he whispered in a silent prayer. "Yes I understand now," he said, lifting himself and standing tall. "Since the dawn of time, man has endured and witnessed many new things evolving with him and around him. This is just one of the many proofs that we are all one! Brothers in arms, dissecting each other with our silent thoughts. All with the final realization that..." "My God, muttered Billy's mother, "He is the Frogman." "Are we Frogman?" The Frogman's mother asked. "...we are all men!" The Frogman concluded. "But are we all men?" Everyone shouted in unison, "...no, we are FROGMEN!" "Silence!" The Frogman commanded. "The cord shall show us the way. Blessed be thy cord." "BLESSED BE THY CORD!" They all shouted together, "And long live the Frogman!" |
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