Alarmingly Strange Stories
 

The Adventure of Cascadilla and Perkchip

by

Jon Stephenson

Chapter 20

The man stood on the hill and watched the 2 people leave the convenience store. He coughed and spit out a wad of tobacco that landed on the left leg of his red overalls. He wiped the back of his mouth and turned to the standing next to him.

"Well, Vern," he said, "looks like we might have us a few new converts there."

Vern squinted his eyes and spit a wad of tobacco which landed on a fold of his blubbery neck. "Yep," he said. "But Roscoe, do we need anymore people?"

Roscoe laughed and spit out some more tobacco. "We can never have enough. We need to preach the gospel of the Huckers to everyone."

Vern spit some tobacco on Roscoe and said, "I reckon you're right."

Chapter 21

Cascadilla took a sip of the water and gave the rest to Perkchip. He stuffed the bottle in his mouth and ran ahead of Cascadilla as he beat his head with his fists.

Cascadilla looked around and saw nothing but a vast wasteland. She decided that she would head towards the sun in the hope of finding some sort of civilization.

She did not notice the five pick-up trucks behind her.

Chapter 22

One of the trucks pulled in front of Cascadilla. The driver hopped out, spit tobacco on the ground and walked towards here. The truck rolled away.

"Whatcha' doin'?" asked the man.

"I am trying to find some sort of civilization," said Cascadilla.

The man laughed, "Well, you ain't gonna find any of that here in Neb-raska!"

"Great." responded Cascadilla.

"By the way," said the man, "Since you are here in Neb-raska, you have to like them Huckers."

"The what?" asked Cascadilla.

The man looked at Cascadilla with total bewilderment. After an hour, he finally spoke. "You mean you never heard of them Huckers!"

"Can't say that I have," answered Cascadilla.

"Well, I guess we gonna have to teach you then," said the man. "Get her Monty!"

Cascadilla turned and saw the man behind her. He grinned and hit her over the head with the carp. Her mind went blank and she crumbled to the ground.

Chapter 23

Cascadilla woke up and found herself in a red room. Everything was red from the toilet to the TV. She walked to the red door and looked out the little window. She saw a group of people all dressed in red, sitting around a TV watching it intently.

Trying to open the door, she found it was locked so she knocked, hoping to get someone's attention.

Eventually, a moronic cowboy with a retarded smile plastered to his face came over to the door.

"Where am I?" asked Cascadilla.

Moron cowboy man only stood there with a retarded smile plastered to his face.

"Look," said Cascadilla, "I want out NOW!"

The retarded, idiotic, stupid, moronic cowboy stared blankly at her, with that dumb-ass smile still plastered to his face.

Finally he spoke. "We're number one," he said without losing his smile.

Cascadilla was about to scream when she saw another man leave the group and walk to the door. He stopped in front of the window and patted the idiodic cowboy on the head.

"How can I help you?" he asked.

"I want to know where I am," replied Cascadilla.

The man stuck a wad of grass in his mouth and chewed slowly. "Well," he said between chews, "you are in Neb-raska, home of the Huckers. This is Hucker-Land. Everyone here likes the Huckers."

"Well, great," said Cascadilla, "I want out of here."

"Oh I don't rightly know," the man said, "You like them Huckers?"

"What exactly is a Hucker?" she inquired.

The man swallowed the mouthfull of grass and stuck a mouthfull of bark in his mouth. "Well," he began, "we used to be named for our ancestors occupation. We were called the Sheep Fuckers, but we changed that to Huckers, because it has to do with corn. Or at least we think so. And Sheep Fucker is two words we ain't real good at spelling."

"Wonderful," said Cascadilla. "Of course, I LOVE the Huckers."

The man unlocked the door.

Page 6

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