Alarmingly Strange Stories
 

The Adventure of Cascadilla and Perkchip

by

Jon Stephenson


Chapter 3

Jorge Guadalupe Enriquez Sanchez-Cizano-Matinez-Alloyuziamiz-Perez-Montenegro looked up from his gardening and noticed Cascadilla standing at the picture window. She appeared to be staring directly into the sun. Jorge threw down his trowel and stood and stretched.

Cascadilla looked away from the sun and watched Jorge stretch. She noticed how deep his tan was. The stump, where his right arm used to be, swayed gently in the breeze. He turned and looked up at her as a faint smile crossed her pouting lips. He waved his stump at her and then fell to the ground to continue with his gardening.

Cascadilla turned from the window and looked around the room. I just can’t stay here and feel sorry for myself, she thought, so I must do something to occupy my mind.
Her decision made, she walked to her bedroom and took some luggage from her closet. As she was throwing clothes into a suitcase, the walky-talky buzzed.
She unclipped the walky-talky from her belt and pressed the receive button. A voice with a slight German accent came from the small speaker.

“Ms. Cascadilla?”

“Yes Hans,” she replied as she sat on the bed. Hans had been her butler for over 78 years.

“Ummm, well it seems that today is a holiday and there will be no mail.”

Cascadilla sat stunned. The phone slipped from her fingers and fell into the bowl of Wheaties. A tiny splash of milk hit her in the eye, temporarily blinding her. She screamed and fell to the floor.

“Why oh why must this happen now!” she howled as she bashed her head repeatedly on the bright oriental carpet. “I only want to be loved!”

The carpet cleaners continued to steam clean the floor around her prone body.

Chapter 4


Sh’tstane stood on the platform waiting for the morning train. A few people stood around him, and all were reading the morning paper. A vendor walked around offering the waiting people a cup of coffee as his monkey hopped around offering everyone day old doughnuts. Sh’tstane pulled a cigarette from his front pocket and prepared to have his morning smoke.

As he was lighting his cigarette, he noticed a large, expensive looking Ford Pinto pull into the station. When the vehicle stopped, a tall blonde haired man exited from the drivers side, tripped and fell. He got up, walked to the passenger side and held the door open.

A woman got out of the vehicle ans stood as the tall man brushed lint from her coat. She licked him on the cheek and gave him a crumbled dollar bill. The tall man bowed, went to the trunk, pulled out her luggage and threw it at her feet.

The lady looked around the station and her eyes fell on Sh’tstane. He smiled at her and waved. Her eyes opened wide and she pointed at him.

“Wa…,” she started to say, but a cosmetic bag hit her in the face.

The smile left Sh’tstane’s face. He started to walk towards her.

The escaped bear raised it’s paw with the really, really long claws and swiped at Sh’tstane’s head.

Sh’tstane’s head flew off his body, hit the monkey and bounced towards the train tracks.

Cascadilla dove towards the head knowing that if it did reach the tracks, it would be quite hard to retrieve. She reached out as she dove and her fingers found some hair. She closed her fingers around the hair and held on. She landed on her back and the air was forced from her body.

Gasping for breath she tried to sit up but the monkey had started to jump on her chest. She finally got some air into her lungs, picked up the monkey and threw it into the path of the oncoming train.

The monkey started to flap its arms and it did seem to be flying, but the train rammed into it and the waiting passengers were sprinkled with bits of monkey goop.

Cascadilla stood with the head cradled in her arms and walked towards the body. I will marry this man, she decided

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