I thought to myself, “That sucka is one dumb-ass, meat eating, garbonzo bean swallowing, pig foot chewin’, flyin’ bambino lookin’, butt scratchin’, potato salad
eatin’, beer drinkin’, cole slaw gobblin’, walkin’ down the street - not knowin’ what time it is, Mutha-Fucka!”

“YOU!

I brought the cart back to it blessed home at the store, when Mr. Giusippe Luigi Melanoma called me to his office.

His fat bulbous ass was wedged behind his desk as he squinted at me through the blue haze of his cigar smoke. “I need you to cross the street and pick up any stray carts,”
he wined. “We need to have all the carts accounted for before the end of the day.”

“I already did that, you stupid fuck!” I screamed back, blood dripping from my hands.

Don't give me no shit and get your lazy ass to work!" He yelled with his cigar half hanging from his mouth. “And wash your fucking hands for Gods sake.”

Since I had an hour left on my one hour shift, I knew this would be pretty easy.

He dismissed me by farting. I bowed.

“I love that man,” I thought to myself. “Fuck you,” I said outloud.

“Get the fuck outta here!” he said,as he scratched a scab just above his butt hole.

Chapter 5 - The Homecoming

I left the store and approached the street. The cars were moving back and forth. Sometimes they stop, sometimes they go.

“This is very strange,” I screamed. I had to figure out a way to cross this path of tar. I did it before, but how? I just couldn't remember.

Zip this way, zip that way. It was crazy. I looked closely at the cars and noticed there were people inside. What were they doing in there? I'm never inside my car.

Just then, a bird flew over the road. They all suddenly stopped going back and forth. A few minutes later, they were at it again.

I thought of an experiment. I sat and waited for another bird to fly over the road. I waited for half an hour. Suddenly, without notice, a bird flew over the road. I reached into my pocket and pulled out Bibi, my pet monkey. I threw him into the street, to see if he would make it across the street.

Bibi Chittered then a car passed over him. All that was left was a red smear in gooey stuff and a few black hairs. He's no Bobbi-Jo,” I thought. I walked to the smear and measured its length with a tape measure. It was about a foot and a half long and one foot wide.

I ran back to where I was.

Still the cars approached. Another bird flew by, but the cars didn't stop. I realized there was no pattern.

I ran across the street and made it to the other side.

Looking for more carts, I soon realized there were no more carts on this side of the street. Now I was ready to make another mad dash to the other side. “These cars are
confusing, I have one but I just don't know how to use it’” I thought.

I was just about to cross the street when I heard a familiar chatter.

It was...

Oh, man. You won't believe this...

It was...

Page 4

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