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I was at work, while taking my smoke break, and what was really odd about
that is the fact that I don't smoke. But, there I was, in the smoker's lounge, puffin' on a cigarette.
I thought I could do it. What was a little smoke? I could handle it. How hard could it be? I lit up and began to
inhale. The experience didn't last long. I was soon the laughing stock of the smoke-filled cubicle of a room that
was known as the smoker's lounge when I began hacking out what felt like an entire lung. I think something actually
came out of my mouth in the form of liquid, which immediately caused many people in the room to leave.
I abruptly snuffed the cigarette out in an ashtray and mentally cursed the tobacco companies for making such a
product. Not only were they killing us all by providing such deadly objects of joy and entertainment but, worse,
they were providing an excuse for folks to get out of work!
Needless to say, getting out of work by taking a smoke break was my biggest gripe about smoking and it was the
sole reason for my episode of trying to light up for the first time in the smoker's lounge, which I paid dearly
for during the rest of the night and most of the following day with the nastiest taste in the back of my throat
that I have ever had since I once ate a slug as a kid. But, that's another story.
The smoke break…this infernal concept has driven me crazy since the first time I entered the workforce and found
out what it was. It has driven me crazy due to the fact that, as I already said, I don't smoke. There I am, working
hard every day. But, do I get a break? No, I don't. I'm expected to keep working. (Of course, this says a lot about
where I work, which is also another story) The folks that smoke, on the other hand, can stop working so that they
can utilize the fifteen or twenty minutes or so it takes to fill their lungs with smoke, whenever they want!
To me, that was a very poor deal for the rest of us - the majority - who do not smoke and cannot take repeated
breaks for long periods of time. Coffee breaks were always encouraged for non-smokers but we had to bring the coffee
back to our workstations. Besides, I don't always drink coffee. I decided to do something about the problem.
My first attempt at remedying the situation, as you well know, was to try and join the ranks of those that smoked.
I thought I could just smoke while at work. I wouldn't have to smoke on my time off. I already explained what happened
with that plan.
My next plan was similar to the first in that I would appear to be a smoker. Only, this time, my smoking would
be modified. It would be modified in the way that my cigarette wouldn't even be lit. I would just hang the cancer
stick from my lips and laugh and chat with everyone else who was smoking, as if I was taking on the same amount
of poison in my lungs that they were and being rewarded for it with a break.
This didn't last for long either, as the conversation with others never really got started because everyone was
too engrossed in simply staring at me with dumbfounded looks, trying to figure out why there was a cigarette hanging
from my lips that was never lit, while I stood there just laughing and chatting away.
I realized, at that point, that I had to be more creative.
The next day I declared to my boss and closest of co-workers, all who do not smoke, that I was going to take another
smoke break. On the way to the smoker's lounge, I heard muffled comments about how I never used to smoke.
Once back in the lounge, I received the same apprehensive stares that I had been subjected too the day before when
smoking an unlit cigarette. I immediately began trying to alter that by holding up a bag of nuts and tearing off
the top of the bag, explaining what I was doing.
"Nuts anyone? I'm taking a nut break. Heh-heh…after all, you are what you eat, right?"
I continued to chuckle, eat nuts, and attempt to blend in with a group of people who were very reluctant to try
a sample of my nuts. As I stood there eating nuts, like a fool, my boss walked into the smoking lounge behind me,
covering his nose and mouth, blocking the stench of the room from entering any orifice of his head.
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