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TheWeirdcrap.com

Submitted in 2005

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Porno For The Lord
by
Rob Rosen


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Then she dyed her hair platinum blonde, joined a gym, and, before she knew it, she had a new job at one the swankiest clubs on the strip. The money started rolling in. And though Shirley was happier than she'd been in along while, she still wasn't fulfilled. Her dream, it seemed, was languishing on the vine. Busty, blonde waitresses were a dime a dozen in LaLa Land. Stardom skyrocketed you into a whole other realm. And that's where Shirley longed to be.

Still, she was thrown for a loop when a casting director told her she simply didn't have the talent and that she should try her luck in porn. There, apparently, you didn't need any other skills except for what nature gave you. Nature or a good plastic surgeon, as was the case. Shirley told the director in no uncertain terms what he could do with his advice, and then she stormed out of his office.

"What does he know, anyway," she told herself as she settled into her car. Then again, what did she know? She'd been in Hollywood for well over a year and hadn't had one acting gig. Not even a bite. And porn was acting, right? Maybe, she figured, the guy had a point. After all, she now had the body and the looks for it. And she certainly had the jugs. Plus, she had heard that the money and the hours were great. So, sitting there in the car that day as she pondered her options, Dolores del Dunning was born and Shirley Keller was no more.

Within six months she stared in five movies, the third of which got her name in bold letters on the video box. She was, if not a star, than at least an actress. For it did take quite a bit of acting to do what she had to do in order to make it in the industry. The men, after all, weren't exactly lookers. There were no Brad Pitts doing porn, she found. Though there were a lot of Adam Sandlers. She did like the people she met, though. Most were actors and actresses like herself who couldn't find work in legitimate movies. And there was a certain comradery amongst her peers. They were in the same boat. Sex, after all, did make them closer than your average coworkers. And yes, as she had heard, the money was terrific, especially for the hours she had to put into it. She made even more doing personal appearances. That she liked best. She loved being ogled at. Loved signing her autograph. Loved the elation she felt when someone recognized her.

And that's how she found herself that fateful day as she sauntered into the club that broadcast her name in lights: happy as a clam to be doing something that brought others as well as herself so much joy. She was a star, even if only in certain circles, and she was ready to perform for her fans.

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