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TheWeirdcrap.com

Submitted in 2005

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Lock, Stock, and Barrel
by
Rob Rosen


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"Hey, Max," one of the regulars shouted over to me, "see if Eddie's got any of them pretzels in the back. I gotta eat something here."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep your shirt on. I'll go check," I grumbled. Though, to be honest, I was hoping for an excuse to go back there. The coffee bean thing had been nagging at me since my last visit, and with Eddie gone I could have an uninterrupted look.

Sure enough, the stock of coffee beans was still sitting there, only this time there were three crates instead of two. For some reason my stomach lurched at the sight of them. Granted, that might have been the booze and lack of food I'd had, but it was also the fact that something wasn't right with this picture. So what did I do? I opened the top crate and had a look inside. "Coffee beans," I whispered. No surprises there, right? I also peaked inside the other two. Same thing: coffee beans. Maybe Eddie was gonna turn the place into a Starbucks. There were only two on the street already, so what was one more?

But then a little voice inside my head told me to delve deeper. I'm of course speaking figuratively here. I really don't hear little voices inside my head. Usually. In any case, I reached inside the top crate and rooted around. "Coffee beans," I said again. "Uh oh," I quickly added. The box, it appeared, only partially contained coffee beans. The top half was full of the familiar hard beans. The bottom half felt soft and pliable beneath my searching fingers. So I grabbed whatever it was I was feeling, and I pulled it out.

"Uh oh," I echoed.

"Hurry up with the pretzels, Max," the guy yelled from out front. "I'm starving."

"Hold your horses," came the familiar voice of Eddie. "Start on these peanuts."

"Uh oh," I echoed, yet again, starting to sound like a Swiss yodeler. I knew I only had like a split second before Eddie came back to hang his jacket up, and if he caught me with my hand in the coffee beans I'd be a goner for sure. So I shoved the bag of white powder inside my own jacket, quickly closed the crate, and ran from the stock room, with my jacket hung over my arm.

"Leaving so soon?" Max asked.

"Oh, um, yeah. Forgot, I gotta go to the grocery store and pick up some Coke, er, um, soda for Lucy. She'll kill me if I forget."

"Oh, okay. Well thanks for watching the place, see you soon," he said, looking at me suspiciously. I think the stammering and the by-then profuse sweating may have clued him in that all was not okay. I ran out of there quick as a wink, so as not to draw even more attention to myself, and I didn't look back.

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