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If you died, and after you were already dead someone said, "excuse
me sir/ma'am, you're dead", what would be the first thing that came to mind that you wish you had done before
you died? Me, I wish I had sailed around the world. It sounds far fetched, but I wanted nothing more then the peace
and luxury of feeling the salty breeze in my hair, and seeing endless ocean stretching beyond the horizon. That's
the first thing that came to my mind. I wish I could have sailed around the world before I died, but I didn't.
I didn't have the time.
The second thing I thought about was a beer milkshake. When I was younger I read Cannery Row by John Steinbeck,
and I remember a man drinking a beer milkshake, which he had never drank before, but always wanted. I realized
I wanted one too. I wish I could have sailed around the world and drank a beer milkshake before I died, but I didn't.
I didn't have the time.
I never knew I was going to die before my thirtieth birthday. If I had known that I would have done a lot more
with my life then study. As far back as I can remember I had been top of my class. I had no time for friends or
games, my hobby been studying. I wanted to be the best. I know now my goal wasn't knowledge, but power. I wanted
to be smart, rich and powerful. I never knew what a happy life was, because I spent all my time believing I was
happy, and would be happier when I was rich. Does money bring happiness? That's up to the eye of the beholder.
Rich kids say yes, everyone else knows the truth.
I was swept off my feet by the biggest feeling of regret. My life was over, and I had done nothing admirable in
it. Nothing truly good had come out of my time; I kept to myself with an inner greed that drove everyone away from
me. I was never mean to anyone; I just shut them all out of my life. I never took weekend trips or had a girlfriend
or even a best friend, I found escape in books. All my dreams came from tales I read when I wasn't studying. Everything
I wanted to do I had mapped out for when I was rich and successful. Never once did I think I would die young.
I see now all the mistakes I made in my life. My earliest memory is from when I was around three or four years
old. The picture is foggy, but I'm at a day care center while my parents are at work. I don't socialize with my
peers because I find no reason to run around and roll on the ground, it seems so immature. Sharing toys and having
to fight over them seemed to be the last thing I wanted. I was a voluntary social outcast. I see now that my real
reason for not playing was because I was afraid to go over and talk with them. I was always somewhat of a recluse,
even at such a young age I was too afraid to talk to people I was around everyday. As I grew older I became more
comfortable with my surroundings, but still choose to be alone, I found my escape in reading.
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