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TheWeirdcrap.com

Submitted in 2004

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Death to all Smurfs
by
Kenneth Keller


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So don't start analyzing why I did what I did. I am an old blue one inch being who was never shown the proper respect ever after decades of looking out for thousands. You don't seem to realize I was not their parent. I was just the oldest. Tell me what do you really know about me besides what you saw on tv? Suffice to say I am not a very nice person. I spent my childhood as the runt of the litter so too speak. My family was the poorest in the village and I was more like a slave then a child. Whatever lowely function needed to be done they had me do it. My siblings treated me like a servant. My parents had little time to spend on the "ugly one" as they had called me. So I grew up as an outcast. I left the village when I was a young man and studied along side, believe it or not, Gargamel. We had an uneasy truce with a common bond -our hatred for the Smurfs. Why God had chosen to make me in their image is proof that our God is not a fair God. I never wanted to be like them. And for years I learned all I could from that fool until one day he caught me in bed with his wife. Not having many options I returned to the village and convinced them all that I had changed. The last remaining members of my generation gladly accepted me back thinking they could use me to get back at Gargamel. Of course what they had failed too realize was that I had made Gargamel's hatred for Smurfs even more intense since alas after all is said and done I was one of them.

Years went by and for a time I actually forgot about the days of youth long since past. The new generation of Smurfs only knew me as a well respected and accomplished scientist. A Smurf of wisdom. The Smurf responsible for outsmarting gargamel time after time after time. The Smurf that made every one's life easier. I brought technological advances to the village and because of that I feel we became complacient. I would have to say it was around this time that my anger started to come back to the surface.

So there you have it. Your all caught up and if not oh well. Not my place to play historian. I only agreed to this interview because it meant a day out of my cell. I am sorry. You still wanted to hear about how my creation butchered those helpless hapless fools. Well I don't have much time left so I will make this short. I introduced Fire Smurf to the village during a special party the villagers had in my honor--something about thanking for me for so many years of leading them selfishly. Whatever. They weren't thanking me a month later when on that fateful day Fire Smurf attacked each one of them unmercifully. As I said before I can still hear their screams of anquish as he betrayed their trust and lashed into them repeatedly. How could I have done such a thing? They ...

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© 2004 by TheWeirdcrap.com
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