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But the one that really captured my heart was of course Smurfette. Always
nudging my smurf privates(on accident no doubt) when she comes to give me my daily hug. Always leaving the curtains
open while she's changing or taking a bubblesmurf. Such the innocent. Yeah right and Gargamel loves is a handsome
generous man. I have always had my suscpicions that Smurfette was always performing an act. Did she honestly expect
any of us to believe such a vison of beauty would not have had a full and wonderful life outside of the village?
I suppose the point of no return came when I saw her and carpenter Smurf kiss. How could she? If any Smurf was
to be the recipient of her desires is there any doubt it should have been me? A lifetime of devotion and never
asking anything in return from those toads? Such betrayal. They would all feel my wrath. They would all feel pain.
With that last outburst I ran back into my lab to devise a plan that would rid the world of all Smurfs. All except
me or course. But, again, how should I do it? Poison? Torture? No no such things were beneath me. Ay yes I got
it. Brilliant. Truly brilliant. I shall create a new Smurf. One that looks and acts just like them. And then when
they least expected it. He'll do what I command of him and rid the forest of these blue rats.
For two weeks I worked diligently on my scheme. Hours upon hours I spent reading, chanting, and molding. Molding
the newest smurf on the block. Same features as all the other inhabitants of our village except for one slight.
He'll have no feelings. No remorse about butchering those trolls. He won't care about anything or anybody. Butchering?
Oh yes he needs a trade. Garbage Smurf? Too simple. Meatclever Smurf? No even those fools would get suscipous of
such a tradesman. How about Fire Smurf? That's it! The village elders had long since petitioned for a Smurf to
be available for such a task but nobody was ever available. Hmmph if you ask me it wasn't that anybody was ever
conventiently unavailable. It was probably more that nobody had the smurf to volunteer for such a brave task. Well
my Smurf would be brave enough not only for fighting fires but also for slashing the tiny throats of his unsuspecting
victims. I added the final ingredients and waited. It would need three days for the mold to form and for nature(ha)
to take its course.
Now I know what many of you are thinking. How could you do this to your own kind? They needed you as a child needs
a parent. People get a fucking clue will you? What you saw on saturday morning television was not our reality.
Okay some asshole found us while stumbling around in the forest and for the next ten years researched our community.
But do you honestly believe everything was as cute and cozy as they made it out to be? Do you honestly think Gargamel
never was victorious against us? They never aired the footage of when he and his stupid cat came to our village
and wiped out half of the village with a leaf blower did they? We called it Hurricane Gargamel. And I am pretty
sure they never showed the time Brainy Smurf got drunk on Smurfahol and made sweet love to Gargamel's cat.
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For more, visit the Author's Web Site at: http://www.geocities.com/kenny2112/
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