The Saga of Sir Gale-A-Had
by Brent Seacrude

Did you here about this meteorologist who blew 39 straight forecasts in Reno, Nevada, between mid may 2nd and the end of June? Hell, in Reno, there wasn't a cloud in the sky since the end of March! You might say, meteorologically speaking, clear and 100 (100 miles visibility) for months on end. The United States weather bureau gave him an "ultimatum"; either check into this "noted" psychiatric hospital down in Lnthrop Wells, Nev. (amargosa jct. on a Nevada road map), or "Hit the road!" He did as directed, and checked in.

After a brief "consultation", this noted psychiatric made his "diagnosis".

"Hey good buddy, you're suffering from a Tropical Depression (a low pressure area over warm water)," and then went on to prescribe 500 millibars (mg) of virga (viagra). The meteorologist in question (there is only 1) was eventually placed in an insane asylum for the sane.

While at the asylum, the "good doctors" discovered a low-pressure area in his left temporal ear lobe. The doctors decided to "run" a meteorological two test to check the forecasters adiabatic mental lapse rate (5.5 per thousand feet). Instead they found a pressure quadrant (lines of equal pressure) in his brain!

The meteorologist then went on to state- " I think I've lost my mind! Will y'all help me find it!"

The "good doctors" gave up before even trying. Disgusted with the sense, the meteorologist gave the "good doctors" some free advice.

"Why don't y'all re-adjust the air pressure in your heads to avoid pre-mature mind separation." (Firestone tires)

This one doctor wasn't sure what the meteorologist meant, 2nd asked him, "Should I do this in inches of (unit of air pressure) mercury or in millibars?"

Perplexed, the meteorologist was observed listening to an old Jimmy Hendrix Rendition of Manic Depression - Manic Depression, full steam ahead, blah, blah, blah. In the meantime, the "good doctors" were discussing the "implications" of the same song. The United States has entered into Manic Recession!

Again (true) this "loonie" dude at the next table interrupted, cut into the conversation and stated that he was from Heatstroke, Ariz. and used to work at this pub near the U of A campus.

The meteorologist asked him (the "loonie" dude) if he even played any organized sports. While there, the dude said he played lacrosse for the Univ. of Ariz.

The "good doctor" asked him if he was from Lacrosse, Wisconsin.

"How the hell do I know! I didn't know Wisconsin was in Arizona."

"It isn't!"

The meteorologist asked him if he ever heard of this old mid 60's band called "Question Mark and the Mysterians" and this one song called " Land of a Thousand Dances."

The doctor said yah! weren't they from Lacrosse, Arizona!

The Loonie dude said he met one of them (who?) at this bar near the campus, called the Cumulo-Nimbus.

The meteorologist went on to say that he did some power drinking there while in collage at the atmosphere physics dept.

The "noted" psychiatrist said "wasn't that the bar that advertised " A potential thunderstorm in every "UN-opened" bottle of beer?"

The meteorologist said, "how the hell do I know! I didn't know Arizona was in Wisconsin!"

"It isn't you fool! It's in Lacrosse!" The psychiatrist cut in and asked if any of them ever heard of the Byrds.

"Yeah, they were an early 60's group from Lacrosse, Arizona."

The meteorologist said their big "hit" was called "8 miles high", or was it 8 millibars high?

The "loonie" dude from 'Zona said he once saw this early 60's movie called the Birds with Tippi Hedron and Ron Taylor.

The psychiatrist said he heard of a Senator Byrd from West Virginia.

"Yeah!" the meteorologist said "I've heard of him! Wasn't he married to a lady called Bird Johnson. The Ex. 1st lady of the land from Texas."

The psychiatrist said he didn't know about that; but, was positive Senator Byrd's wife was called LadyBird Byrd! And that the "Good Senator" had taken her on a second honeymoon up to Viagra Falls, NY!

The "loonie" dude from Lacrosse (where?) lit up one of those new brands of cigarettes called Northern Light(s) 100's.

The psychiatrist, who didn't smoke, said, " Smoking could be hazardous to your health, but worrying about it could be deadly."

The meteorologist said he once got "blitzed in Hazzard, Kentucky!"

After a week of this madness, the meteorologist and the "loonie" dude from 'Zona were gladly released for free from that old treatment center in Lathrop Wells. The "good doctors" were in need of treatment.

The meteorologist in question never returned to Reno. He spent the rest of this life in Search of the Holy Gale!