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TheWeirdcrap.com

Submitted in 2004

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Hostage Situation
by
Andrew "PyroPimp" Kennedy


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The muffled whispers were drowned out by the megaphone. The spotlight from the police chopper was shining down on the house, and bits of the light were filtering through the windows. The family I was holding hostage was beginning to piss me off with their incessant noise. I turned toward them and told them to shut the fuck up. They didn't listen, so I fired off a round with my rifle. The sound calmed them slightly, but they were completely silent when I pointed the barrel at the head of the oldest guy, probably the father. Since there were no women, I assumed that the mother was out shopping with the daughters.They had no idea that I wouldn't kill them, that I couldn't force myself to commit murder.

I was put into this situation by my girlfriend, now deceased. Well actually, it was her friend, Kelly. I dated Kelly for about a year. Then I met her best friend from college. Jen was a little shorter and thinner than Kelly, but had a much more open personality. We became good friends, nothing more. One day I got home late from work and Kelly was sitting in the living room, waiting for me. She began to accuse me of cheating on her, which I denied fervently and truthfully. In the end she was so convinced I was cheating on her, that she dumped me and moved to California with her family.

That was four years ago. Two years ago, Jen and I started dating, and it's been the happiest two years of my life. I was on my way home after work, and decided I was going to propose to her. After selecting the ring I headed to my house, but knew immediately that something wasn't right. The door was opened, and a strange car was in the driveway. I entered the house, which was dark because all the shades had been pulled down. A voice came from the corner of the room.

"I knew you were cheating on me." It was Kelly. She was sitting in the same chair as she did four years ago, only this time, she was holding my hunting rifle. "I couldn't get over how desperate you were to convince me that you were faithful, so I came back one more time. I even brought a vase of flowers as a peace offering. When Jen answered the door, I knew I had been right. I lost control and smashed the vase over her head. Then, I broke open your gun cabinet, took your rifle, and shot her in the back. She's laying dead behind the door."

"Do you really think you can get away with this?"

Yes. In case you don't remember, I'm a very fast thinker. I was careful not to get my fingerprints on the gun. Then, as soon as I saw your car pull up, I called the police. I told them that I came over to visit my friend from college, and found her lying dead on the floor, and you were washing your hands at the sink. Then I said that I had grabbed the gun from by the door, clubbed you with it, and I've been holding you prisoner ever since.

There's one problem with your story."

What's that?"

If you clubbed me, why don't I have a mark?"

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