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2
"Don't be a cretin, there's toilet paper in the cupboard, use the
bushes."
I trudged outside, sure just take a dump incongruously in some old guys garden, found myself a little spot and
dropped my pants. One quickly learns that simultaneously urinating and shitting requires a little bit of maneuvering,
and quick reflexes if you are to avoid trouble. It took like what seemed forever, I thought many thoughts, about
the game Othello, jackets with orange lining, and hostile militant factions. I was still finishing up when I heard
a rusty voice, it was the old man.
"That's a good one." He said, I turned to face him, he kept walking. That's a good one? One what? Which
one? I ran through all the permeations in my mind, and each one was more disturbing than the next. Good spot? Good
ass? God forbid, good shit? My mind does not need provocation like this, it reels with deviant thought. I see a
cop in a police car and I think - crooked cop, hooked on steroids, wife likes to dangle weights from her labia,
and he has 2 small children locked in his basement.
By the time I had collected my thoughts, and hitched up my pants, the old geezer had repaired the car.
"What do you want the car for anyway?" He was still eating his ridiculously full breakfast.
"Jack told these broads that we were going to pick them up in a car later tonight."
I made no attempt to the hide the fact I did not want to make eye contact, now, despite his easy to look in, watery
eyes.
"Ooh a couple broads eh, you boys fucking yet?" Even jack was set aback by this crude line of questioning.
"Well back in the late forties, early fifties, my companions and I were some of the first; If not the first
to do hardcore distributed photo shoots. We did anal, we did whips, we did all that shit. I remember people shooting
junk on set in their full Sunday gear, while most were wearing heart high briefs and pulling-off to chrome kitchenettes."
"Good one" said I, hoping to catch him off guard.
He picked up his banana and aimed true, bang.
What an absurd old man.
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