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At dusk they finally reached the steps of city hall where the protestors
began to decide his fate. Everyone in town and then some was there on the steps of city hall, wondering how they
should kill Larry. It took them hours to decide, and all the while Larry was being stoned from all directions.
There were many different opinions in this decision. The Mayor believed that Larry should be drawn and quartered,
while the Governor argued that electrocution would be far more painful. The chief justice of the state supreme
court said that Larry should be fed to a pack of wolves, while the head of a local charity said that Larry should
be drowned in a tank of battery acid. Finally, the Mayor got a call from the Pope, who said that Larry should be
disemboweled, electrocuted slowly at a relatively low voltage until he was nearly dead, stoned a little bit, then
have each of his limbs chopped off until he bled to death. The crowd seemed pleased at this suggestion, and the
execution began.
vol. V
The executor grabbed the knife that he was going to use to disembowel
Larry. But before he sliced Larry open, he asked "Any last words?". Larry, overwhelmed by shock and pain,
began to question what his crime was. But before he could croak it out, the executioner shouted "WELL TOO
BAD! You don't get any!"and he began to slowly stick the knife into Larry's body. But then somebody from the
crowd, a lone voice of remote reason, inquired "Wait! Are we sure we got the right Larry?" Larry's ears
(or what was left of them, for part of his earlobes had been torn off) perked up when he heard this. The executioner
pondered on this, and then asked Larry: "What's your last name?". Larry answered "Thompson,"
and the crowd moaned. All of a sudden everybody on the steps of city hall looked guiltily at Larry. "Uh, sorry.
We made a bit of a mistake," admitted the executioner. Larry would have breathed a big sigh of relief were
his broken ribs not prodding into his lungs.
But if you think this story has taken a turn for the better, you are so very wrong my friend. Actually you're not
really my friend, so I shouldn't address you as if you were. Punk. Anyway, at that moment a UFO came out of the
sky and abducted Larry faster than a bullet can pass through a watermelon. Larry was injected with a tranquilizer
and woke up to find himself inside a confinement that resembled a cross between a hamster's cage and a McDonald's
playland, but it was massive. In fact, there were about 1,000 other humans inside the contraption. Larry recognized
only one of them. It was his neighbor Dirk.
vol. VI
Dirk, upon seeing Larry, immediately ran after him with raging insanity.
Larry tried to run but he was in too much pain and too many of his bones were broken. So Dirk beat him savagely
on the head with-and Larry noticed this just before he passed out-the head of his dead wife. How Dirk had obtained
that skull Larry never found out, but it was too late because shortly after he noticed what he was being pummeled
with he was back in time 30 years, it was his 7th birthday, and there was a knock on the door.
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