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vol. III
Finally, Larry decided to escape via the air ducts. He managed to climb
into one of them. It was very small-Larry had to shed all of his clothes and lubricate himself with raw sewage
just to be able to move around in it. The air duct, thanks to a team of half-wit constructors, was full of asbestos.
In fact, every time Larry breathed in a substantial amount of asbestos entered his lungs. But nonetheless our determined
hero Larry squeezed himself, inch by inch, through the air vent. Then he got stuck. I mean, REALLY stuck. Like,
he could NOT move. For the first time all day Larry began to think to himself that he might not live much longer,
because Larry is an idiot and can realize danger but not potentially lethal danger. Anyway, he lay there for about
8 hours, fell asleep, and woke up to realize that the house had burnt to the ground and that he-still stuck in
his air duct-had somehow survived.
But the relief was short lived. Soon after the police and firefighters pulled him out of his air duct he was arrested
for arson and indecent exposure. He tried to explain that he was innocent, but all the cops did was beat him relentlessly.
Finally, Larry gave up. He entered the squad car, but not before being showered by the fire hose; because come
on, the guy smelled like crap. The cops were just about to start the car when all of a sudden Larry began to notice
something happening outside the car, something perhaps even stranger than any of the previous events. Perhaps not.
Anyway it was a massive demonstration. Thousands were protesting, centering around the squad car, chanting "WE
HATE LARRY! LARRY'S A JERK!". They held up signs bearing "TO HELL WITH LARRY!" and "DIE, LARRY,
DIE!!". Larry began to cry, again. Why did everybody hate him so much? He had no idea that many people even
knew who he was! He looked at the cops in the driver and passenger seat to see what they were going to do about
it, but then suddenly realized that they were both mysteriously DEAD! The protestors kept getting angrier and angrier,
and more people on the street gathered to protest against Larry's existence. A few of them started to shake the
car back and forth, then tried to tear down the car doors. It was only a matter of time......
vol IV
For a moment Larry's attention began to shift away from the mob, now
consisting of tens of thousands of people, who were intent on tearing down the police car and killing him. His
attention shifted because he was vomiting and suffering from diarrhea at the same time. Then he began to cough
up blood and vile all over the car. Apparently the raw sewage he had nearly drowned in gave him a sickness. Finally,
one of the more muscular protestors tore down the police car door and grabbed Larry by the arms. He and the protestors
then dragged Larry all the way down to city hall which was extremely painful because, as attentive readers will
note, he had been shot in both shoulders. Yes, he was dragged 15 miles to city hall over the much concrete, broken
glass, and gravel. And all the while the protestors were kicking Larry in all parts of his body, some of them even
putting out their cigarettes on him. One of them, who was smoking two cigarettes at the same time, stuck one of
them in each of Larry's eyes. Now Larry was blind.
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