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2004 STORIES

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"The web's home for strange fiction." Submit Your Story! What is it? www.AlarminglyStrangeStories.com is a section within TheWeirdcrap.com entertainment. TheWeirdcrap.com started in 2000 with the goal to provide non-censored humor and entertainment in the form of Strange Stories, Daily Comics, and weekly Columns. If you like to read and your just a little "off center", then this will become your reward after a long week. But don't stop with the current submissions (scroll down), check out our archives (links on left). If you're also a writer or you've written a story and want to share it with the world this is the place! TheWeirdcrap.com translates to eight different languages, just click the International Versions link on the top of the page. Looking for a story but can't find it? Use the search box above. You don't need the exact title, just put in what you know. If your really stuck email me at webmaster@theweirdecrap.com. Other Questions? Go to our FAQ's section. Have a web site? TheWeirdcrap.com gets over 1 million page views per month, so let our traffic work for you by submitting your own piece of fiction. Just make sure to send us your web site address and we'll link to it on the bottom of your story pages. We'll also put you in our links. You can even send us a banner and it'll be displayed on each page of your story! Click here for more details! Wanna trade links? If you don't like reading from a computer screen, use the "Print Now - Read Later" link. Print a whole story with one click and read it off paper like a normal person. Mr. Sockforahead Doesn't Live Here Anymore by Joshua Blanc We've waited almost four years for the next installment of the "Mr. Sockforahead Series." It was well worth the wait. I suggest you read the other two stories first: Death of a Sock Puppet - submitted 2000 Return of Mr. Sockforahead - submitted 2001 Humor Posted on 12/11/04 8 pages Print it Now, read it later Getting Thrown In Jail Doesn't Suck As Bad As I Thought by Michael Jones "I am tired of loud noises come from your mouth. I shut you up real quick like baby sucking on bottle. Then I burp you and call you a pretty little girl, and I put bows in your hair so boys pay attention..." Humor Posted on 12/04/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Lunar's Armor by Link "Are you an idiot!? I'm only taking you there on the small amount your paying me because I got something to do on earth anyway, I'm not going to..." Sci-Fi Posted on 11/21/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later Notes on Baby-Sitting by Nils Erwin '"The only problem was, that being new to the neighborhood, they didn't have a regular baby-sitter who they could call to look after their newborn. So they..."' Satire Posted on 11/06/04 6 pages Print it Now, read it later Bacon Becomes Her by Andrew Heidel '"That's not the point." Roger looked askance at his reflection in the window. "She … she… while she was rooting through the..."' Humor / Strange Posted on 10/17/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later Death to all Smurfs by Kenneth Keller "People get a fucking clue will you? What you saw on Saturday morning television was not our reality. Okay some asshole found us while stumbling around..." Humor Posted on 10/11/04 4 pages Print it Now, read it later Interview with Robert Peterson by Nils Erwin A one page short I'm sure you'll enjoy! I hate to play favorites, but Nils really hits the nail on the head when it comes to submitting fiction for TheWeirdcrap. Humor / Satire Posted on 10/04/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later Total World Domination by Rob Rosen The birthday gift that saved the world! Humor Posted on 09/27/04 6 pages Print it Now, read it later Functional Family by Clint Gaige So if normal isn't really normal, than what is normal? And is it then abnormal to be normal? Humor / Satire Posted on 09/20/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later The Shadow of the Crimson Light by Adrian Shepard At first I thought, "What in the world am I reading?" But after finishing the story you'll get it. Written is 18th Century style, it is not the usual insane, bizarre tale found at Alarmingly Strange Stories but definitely worth the time! Strange / Introspective Posted on 09/05/04 12 pages Print it Now, read it later A Metaphysical Interpretations of the Memoirs of Peter Jennings (a.k.a."Lemons") by Arfwoofbagwhoareu "In his head he knew it was foolish to get excited over something as insignificant as a smile, but something within pushed Sheldon to realize his dream. He stopped, turned around, and..." Humor / Strange Posted on 08/07/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later Phone Games by Nils Erwin "Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams..." Strange / Freakish Posted on 07/25/04 4 pages Print it Now, read it later Palministry and the Titan Totem by Rupert da Costa e Silva "I have reasoned that Thumb is not Handsome, and if he is not Handsome then he can only be Thumbsome and, thus, he is all Thumbs; and if he is all Thumbs he is unbecomingly clumsy..." Strange Posted on 07/18/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later Barrage of the Dead by Jason Earls "Tom blasted a shot into the zombie's face. Dan watched the top portion of the undead thing's forehead explode and shatter against the wall. Tom continued firing the Glock until..." Sci Fi Posted on 07/10/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later The True Story of the Invention of the Airplane by Art Candell "'The author has spent several years in intensive research and this investigative report is the TRUE story of the first heavier-than-air flight..." (Art Candell is a retired correspondent for NEWSWEEK and AP, and has now turned his attention to satirical fiction.) Humor / Satire Posted on 06/26/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later Ziontology by Mikel Davis "'You slimy sack of fish shit!” Deputy Ploggard slammed his hairy fist down onto the grey metal table which separated the two men. His hand landed with such force that it..." Strange Posted on 06/20/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Tales of Constant, Unrelenting Insanity by Arfwoofbagoowhoareu (a pen name) "'His neighbor, who went by the name Dirk, glowered at Larry with bloodthirsty, menacing eyes. He pointed his shotgun at our clearly unlucky hero. As Larry struggled to..." Humor / Strange Posted on 06/11/04 16 pages Print it Now, read it later How to not be a cretin, and give into passion. Also entitled: How to meet Strange People by Nils Erwin "'Well I suppose I'll just go outside and use the bushes then.' I paused and gave him time to tell me he had only been joking. On my way I added number 2 to number 1 on my -to do- list....." Humor Posted on 05/22/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Amplified Ramblings on roadtrips, the Heartland, mixtapes by Nick Dukes "Instantly, I slammed my Walkman back into play and swigged a warm, flat Coke. Grabbing pen and paper and leaning close to the door to perform my service to you: writing this trash....." Introspective Posted on 05/16/04 8 pages Print it Now, read it later Progress by A.C. Mattocks "The two suns could be seen when glancing at the sky, and the single moon was easily visible at night. Ann couldn't remember the last time she'd glanced up at the sky, because on Earth, there was no need, no point...." SciFi / Strange Posted on 05/09/04 5 pages Print it Now, read it later The Saga of Sir Gale-A-Had by Brent Seacrude "While at the asylum, the "good doctors" discovered a low-pressure area in his left temporal ear lobe. The doctors decided to "run" a meteorological two test to check..." Humor Posted on 05/01/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later The Finely Dressed Pebble by David Conway I almost didn't post this one...but then, I realized that this is what TheWeirdcrap.com was all about when we started. - Bob S. Story quote: "William is running down a crowded New York City sidewalk. He is carrying a Juice box and a loaded shotgun..." Strange Posted on 04/24/04 3 pages Print it Now, read it later The Perfect Match by Kate Alexandrova "Tanya loved men of any kind. That certainly did not make her a promiscuous type in any way but extremely selective and choosy about the type of male she wanted. Tanya had a very clear image of her perfect man..." Humor / Irony Posted on 04/18/04 5 pages Print it Now, read it later Titanium Hip in C Major by Brian Fugett "Brian Fugett is a member of the slacker, fast food generation that has been branded with an "X". He sits in his pad all day consuming more oxygen than he's worth. To pass the time between meals & sexual conquests, he writes. Someday he hopes to form a support group for people who compulsively swallow gum and he is currently the editor of the website "Zygote in my Coffee." Humor Posted on 04/11/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later Sepulchural by Britney Manson "Blood streamed from Vincent's mangled nose as he staggered to his feet. "Who are you, man? You want somethin' from me?" He wiped the blood on the collar of his..." Strange Posted on 04/03/04 5 pages Print it Now, read it later Seeing a Girl by G. Caliban Fournier "I counted the days of the week by your swimsuits. A charming yellow two-piece on a Friday afternoon. A glossy, seal-black one-piece on a Sunday morning. A navy blue bikini and a white strapless suit alternating on Saturdays, when you had time between ..." Strange / Freakish Posted on 03/27/04 8 pages Print it Now, read it later

Fabrications of Deranged Idiosyncracy by arfwoofbagoowhoareu "Mary Ann Smith, the mother of a sloth-like, ignorant bastard son, saw the unearthly mess Cory had made out of his room. The floor was sticky and covered with clothes, food, and garbage. The walls were covered with..." Strange / Humor Posted on 03/20/04 8 pages Print it Now, read it later Fred The Dolphin by Declan Kelly "Once upon a time, there lived a dolphin named Fred. He was a pretty jovial sort of fellow who spent most of his days whistling Aerosmith songs while trying to knock the local surfers off their boards..." Humor Posted on 03/13/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Hostage Situation by Andrew "PyroPimp" Kennedy "The family I was holding hostage was beginning to piss me off with their incessant noise. I turned toward them and told them to shut the fuck up..." Humor Posted on 03/07/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Myself by M.R. Meredith "If life is meant to be unfair then maybe it should not be left alone for it to wander off and do its own thing." This thought flooded my mind..." Introspective Posted on 03/01/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later My robot is bad by Nils Erwin "I arrived back at my hotel to find a message had been slipped under my door, but I forgot about it because there is also a woman bound up, inverted, and hanging from my ceiling..." Humor / Sci-Fi / Strange Posted on 02/22/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later Distraction by Michelle Horstman "Oh, my God!" she exclaimed, realizing she had been on review sites for the last two hours. "You'd better go ahead. I'm in the middle of..." Irony Posted on 02/08/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later Bridges by Perry McGee "I mean, why was there a shiny new bridge in the middle of the forest? Trees grew all around it, grasses and foliage covered the long-undisturbed area everywhere around it, and unless I was crazy..." Strange / Humor Posted on 02/01/04 1 page Print it Now, read it later No Small Thing by Tom Shay "With ruddy hand she cleared her eyes. In the distance construction continued, but the creation only added to the dead weight pulling on her heart. Never before had Sascha seen so much death..." Strange Posted on 01/25/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Deli by D. Harlan Wilson "The cashier is wearing a necklace that is supporting his late girlfriend's bleeding heart. He strangled her during his lunch break after she..." Strange Posted on 01/16/04 2 pages Print it Now, read it later Submitting your own Strange Stories! Send to: publishing@theweirdcrap.com Please Don't Forget: The Name of the Story Send the story as a word or .doc file, no pdf files please. Your Name or Pen Name The name and address of your web site - send a banner if you have one! If you want your email address included with your story. Legal disclaimer, details, fine print thingy: TheWeirdcrap.com does not automatically publish all stories that are submitted. Stories are reviewed and chosen individually, based on creativity and writing skill. If your story is chosen to be included in TheWeirdcrap.com's collection, it may take several months to be posted due to the volume of submissions. Accepted stories are posted on a first come first serve basis. Writers are not paid for published stories. Stories on TheWeirdcrap.com may be printed for personal use; however, they may not be reproduced for web or print publications without consent from the author. If the author does not have a web site or email link, contact our webmaster..

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