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| Alarmingly Strange Stories |
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The Evil Lesbians |
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| . Part One: Evil In the far distant future, a band of Lesbians landed in their invisible spaceship somewhere in New Jersey. Suddenly, strange cosmic rays penetrated their bodies, turning some of them to evil! Ajax, a pretty lesbian, but not one who had turned to evil, burst into the Captain's cabin. "Captain, Captain, come quick! Some of us lesbians, but not me, have turned to evil!" "No! Not *choke* evil! said the Captain. "Should we defend ourselves with blaster rays?" "I think we should!" said Ajax. The Captain and Ajax quickly gathered all the lesbians who had not become evil and armed them with blaster rays. They were all pretty, including the Captain. They immediately confronted the evil lesbians, who hissed at them, and were unattractive. "We are evil!" they shouted. "Fear us!" "Should we, Captain?" said Zilla, one of the pretty lesbians. "Yes! And blast them with the blaster rays!" said the Captain. So they did. But the blaster rays had no effect. The evil lesbians pretended they liked the blaster rays, and started to dance. Then they ran out into the forest of New Jersey. "Stop, evil lesbians!" shouted the Captain. But they didn't stop. They just kept on running. "We have unleashed a bad thing onto this planet," said the Captain. "Although not on purpose." "We should do something," said Ajax. So all the pretty lesbians took a shower together, because they only had one shower, though it was a big one. And then they dried their hair. "Wait!" cried Ajax. "I meant that we should do something about the evil lesbians, like stopping them." "You are right, Ajax," said the Captain. And all the lesbians agreed. They locked up their spaceship and followed the evil lesbians into the forest. They all wore special sunglasses that could see through things, like trees or buildings. After they had walked for about a mile or so, they got tired and fell asleep on the floor of the forest all curled up together. For warmth. Part Two: Eaten by Wolves In the morning they awoke refreshed, and did stretching exercises and jumping jacks; they were in high spirits and started to sing. "Girls!" scolded the Captain. Her hair was silver and very long and beautiful, but she wasn't human. None of them were. They were like big, purple octopuses, but with more arms and three breasts, and they had horns. Growing out of their breasts. But they hid their true forms. "We have a job to do, to stop evil," she reminded them. "I remember," said Zilla. "We'll stop singing," said Ajax. So they stopped. They walked some more and after a while they saw something through the trees. It was a city. "Look, a city!" said Marty. She was another of the pretty lesbians. But shorter. "What does it mean?" said Zilla. "It doesn't mean anything. It's just a city," said Ajax. "Oh," said Zilla. "The evil ones will go there," said the Captain. "We should follow them," said Ajax. So they walked towards the city. Soon, the special glasses showed them strange creatures leaping and bounding, and coming towards them very fast. "What's that?" said Marty. "People. Or animals," said Zilla. It turned out to be wolves, hungry wolves that jumped on them, biting and growling. "Use your blaster rays!" shouted the Captain. But the blaster rays were useless. "Run away!" shouted the Captain. The pretty lesbians all ran away, but some didn't. They were the ones who got eaten by the wolves. . |
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