A few weeks back, in the
warmth that is late autumn, me and Brian went for a ride. In one of my lesser moments, I decided it would be a
good idea to drive backwards for a little. So we did; or so I did. See we were in the correct lane for the direction
we were going in and the car was indeed going the correct speed. We were just in reverse. This child stops us and
says, “NOW…What in the hell do you think you were doing?”
I kept thinking, “Is he on a field trip?” He barely stood taller than my Nissan. He wrote me a delightful ticket,
and told me my court date. Which I missed. It really just slipped my mind until around three last night. That’s
about when the cops came to see a failed attempt at a couple of burnouts try and slash a tire. No, I wasn’t arrested
for tire slashing, oh no. Brian was. I haven’t seen him since. I guess they are trying to see if we will rat on
each other. It’s a lot like the game Clue, just a little less fun. I was always a Monopoly fan myself.
Before I can say, “I wish I could type that fast,” he’s done. He looks over in my direction while he opens up a
tan-colored folder. It must be mine. Quickly, he opens it and flips through a few of the pages. His lips move while
he reads, and I try to figure out what he’s reading. “We have the results of your drug test…”
Oh yeah, the piss-test. And I hold my breath.
“You’re negative…”
It should be positive.
“…but when we picked you up, you were intoxicated.”
I’m still recovering from the pressure of additional evidence for my incarceration. The test really should have
come up positive. It’s only been…what, like, two or three days. I can only think, “I hope Brian shuts-up.”
“Well, me and Brian had a few drinks before hand,” I say.
“Do you think this attributed to your actions?” Before I answer, I imagine myself in a large courtroom, filled
with eager media. Everyone has shut-up and they’re leaned forward to hear what I had to say. I press my lips against
the microphone for the jury to hear, and I say, “NO.”
The cop, still dressed in black and blue, types yet again.
