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Lunatic Ravings!
I can fix the drought. For those of you that don't know, I live in Nevada. Nevada's a desert. It rarely ever rains in Nevada because it's a desert. Yet people still live in this desert because prostitution and gambling are legal, even though we're running out of water. To fight the drought, the water people decided that residents can only water outside foliage once a week. My water day is Monday, and I use it to the fullest extent. I bathe on Monday. I flush the toilet on Monday. The dishwasher is run on Monday. The plants in the backyard on watered on Monday. And, most importantly of all, I wash the driveway each and every Monday. The house does stink because of the toilet issue, but I am doing my part for the drought. I'm sure that the house is soon to become disease central because of the increasing numbers of congregating flies and maggots, but I feel environmentally good about doing my part while some asshole who drives a Humvee violates the water rule by washing his pompous vehicle every hour of every day because he has a personal performance and size problem that he compensates for by driving around in the worlds largest passenger vehicle. My idea came to me early in the morning as I was driving to visit crackwhore village. This is the best time to visit because they're really loaded on the crack at this point and figure that they can slack which is bad because it's money being taken from my pocket. By visiting them in the early am I can whip them into shape which means more money to me and can mean that they're awarded with more crack, which doesn't come from me because I believe in doing things the legal way. Anyhoo, I'm driving to crackwhore village with a cold bottle of water when it dawned on me that every grocery store sells bottled water. Just in Nevada alone this would be quite a lot of water. If the Nevada government was to buy all the bottled water from all the stores and dump it into the reservoirs, the our water crisis would be over and I won't live in fear of developing a disease plus I won't smell so rancidly offensive every Sunday. It's that simple. I started doing my part by buying a case of bottled water and dumping it into the Hoover Dam. If the Nevada government refuses to do this but every non-governmental resident buys a case of water and empties it into the nearest water supply, then our water crisis will be over and we will live in peace and tranquility for the rest of our days. Thank you very much. On a much different note, I had the chance to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra live this past week. If you have the chance to see them, make all effort to do so. For about 2 1/2 hours I was treated to an experience I will never forget from a group of musicians that truly care about their craft and their fans. For those interested, check out "Christmas Eve and Other Stories", "The Christmas Attic" and "Beethoven's Last NIght" which are all available on CD. COMING NEXT: The pin drops. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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