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Lunatic Ravings!
Now that I have sticking a slice of headcheese up my ass for over a week, I must say that I feel absolutely thrilled at everything and everyone. I watched the Jessica Lynch movie and was floored. She's my hero now and I want all those crackwhores in my crackwhore tent city to be just like her. How about her book? Why I read that too and it's a thrilling, awe-inspiring read if I say so myself, and I do. What a great, great person she is and I just can't enough of her story. "I want more," I scream to no one in particular, and most people know what I mean. Hell, if Larry Flynt decides to publish those pictures that he lucked into, I am the first one in line to buy that issue of Hustler because, damnit, I just can't get enough of Jessica! There is nobody alive on the earth today that can match up to her heroism. I've tried and tried to teach my crackwhores how they too can become a hero just like Jessica, but they just don't get it because they're crackwhores. Still, it doesn't get me down! As far as I'm concerned, anyone else that comes back from Iraq is a nobody because they didn't have to go through anything that my dear Jessica went through. If they were a hero like Jessica, don't you think that we wold have heard about a movie and/or a book being made about them? Of course we would, but we haven't because they are nowhere close to being like Jessica. As far as I know (and I think the headcheese can back me up on this), maybe Jessica was the only person to go to Iraq. Maybe what we've been seeing on tv is made up because we aren't ready to accept that Jessica was handling it all by herself. If that's the real truth, then she's not just a hero, she's an ultra-hero! Of course she's really modest and doesn't want to be considered a hero. But, that's just Jessica for ya! She refuses to take any credit just like an ultra-hero! I bow down to her and am adding more stuff to the Jessica shrine in my basement on a daily basis right after I stick a fresh slice of headcheese up my butt. I just hope that she comes to my town so I can get her to talk to my crackwhores. Since they won't listen to me, I think that words of wisdom from a modest ultra-hero could do the trick. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed I guess. Until then, I'm going to watch the Jessica Lynch movie again. After that, I'm going to re-read her book and then watch the movie again. In this day and age we all need someone to look up to and Jessica is as good as it gets. Well, maybe that Durst fellow is a good role model too, but I'm going to stick to Jessica for now. Viva la Jessica! COMING NEXT: I'll probably be back on that medication. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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