| |
Lunatic Ravings
Maculate
Conception
Ask
Bob
Chick
Shit for Chick Chicks
Write
to Stephen!
Lunatic Ravings 2003
Visit
the Archives!!!
|
|
Lunatic Ravings!
Lunatic Ravings - 10/27/03
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday
|
 |
Living Colour---"Collideoscope"
Here's your lesson for today:
A gentleman, who we shall call Wrangler Joe (not his real name because it would be kind of silly to name yourself
after a pair of jean) was bored with life and decided to visit a chatroom. Again, this was done out of sheer boredom,
not because he's some sort of pervert trying to scam on some impressionable people.
He struck up a conversation with a girl who was bitching and moaning because she did something which her friends
didn't agree with and now they won't talk to her. However, she's not TOO upset because, according to her, they'll
get their dues because it's karma/fate.
Using my nifty keen sense of ESP, I found that what she actually did was something normal people would never do
since it included a gaggle of sea monkeys, a cow and a sheep in heat. From my ESP I figured what she did wasn't
really bad, but it was definitely odd.
Wrangler Joe doesn't believe in that karma/fate shit and told the girl so. Wrangler
Joe believes in action & reaction and cause & consequence yet the girl kept claiming that it was karma/fate
that that would cause harm on her ex-friends.
Wrangler Joe wanted me to help and explain to everyone how karma/fate are total bullshit how everything is caused
by action & reaction and/or case & consequence. Because I am me, I decided to do this plus I also figured
that nobody really wanted to read about my views on monkey sex.
Let's say that there's a college student that's never been laid in his life, which doesn't exactly bother him because
he has a picture of Jared hanging on his wall and a VHS compilation of all of Jared's commercials permanently resting
in his $39.00 Blue Light Special VCR so that whenever he gets that tingly sensation in his groin he can just turn
on the VCR and brutally masturbate as Jared explains the pro's of eating a Subway sammich.
After finding that he has rubbed the skin off his dick from his constant sinful flogging of the manflesh , he decides
he too wants to be like Jared and get noticed but in such an asinine way that he would be REALLY noticed.
Our college bitch decides that he's going to find out if he can smuggle illegal objects onto a couple of planes
because he wants everyone to know that it's possible, plus he's also sure that when he's featured on "Larry
King Live" he'll get a little bit of money to tell his story which would be a good thing since all college
bitches like him waste their money on pizza, Starbucks and the latest spurt of rancid ejaculation from White Stripes.
Of course, as happens to all college bitches, he gets caught and can now face some serious charges. But he was
only trying to prove something to us so he was doing us all a service and should only get a small slap on the wrist
for pointing out a flaw in the system because, as we all know, most systems don't have even one flaw. Right?
I guess the guvment doesn't like college bitches either because they aren't too impressed with his deed. That's
action & reaction and cause & consequence for you. It's not karma/fate, it's the ramifications of what
will happen when a college bitch decides that they're smarter than everyone else.
Too further prove my point, I heartily recommend that we tie the college bitch down and try to shove a statue of
the 3 "no evil" monkeys, a bag of woodchips, a gravy boat and a rusty spatula up his ass. I'm sure somewhere
there are warnings about shoving the above mentioned objects up an ass as there are warnings about smuggling shit
onto an airplane. If our experiment succeeds we can sit back and say that we got away with something that we shouldn't
have been able to get away with. If we fail, then we can always cherish the sound of a college bitch crying as
a bag of jagged wood chips is being forced into his ass.
So there's some more cause & effect and action & reaction for you. If our college bitch didn't do something
stupid, he wouldn't be worrying about the placement of foreign objects up his ass or that his deep, forbidden love
for Jared is no longer a dirty little secret.
But what do I know? I don't really care about all that butterfly-fluttering-it's-wings-in-the-rain-forest-causing-a-storm-in-the-eastern-
seaboard-of-the-US crap. Shit happens because it does and I'm not going to worry about it.
I wish that I could have written about monkey sex instead because I know a lot more about that topic.
Really. I do.
COMING NEXT: Aardvark
sex!
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
