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Lunatic Ravings!
Some of you might have tried to get your daily dose of theweirdcrap.com the last few weeks and found that you couldn't access the site. Some of you might have accidentally stumbled across the site and decided that whoever set up a site that doesn't work has to be a bunch of assholes and that you won't ever come back again. For the latter folks, I guess you'll never know that I kind of apologized because you're never coming back so that's just tough. For the rest of us, I have no idea what's been going on. I personally don't know shit about running a website so I can just guess that someone somewhere unplugged something that was a little bit important causing this fine piece of Americana website to not work. Maybe it had something to do with input wires and mouse dexterity, but those are just guesses since I know nothing. All I know is that my car has 4 wheels and that it never rains in southern California but that isn't even close to understanding the worldwide web. I guess I could take the time to learn how it works but that would only destroy the mystery of the whole thing and then I'd feel as if I no longer had a mystery about something which would be my great loss. It's always good to know nothing about something and let it remain a mystery. I still don't know how 8 track tapes work, why I need to clip my toenails, why my Sharper Image fan no longer works even though it cost as much as some new cars, when the cows are coming home, who invented the milk crate, when is a good time to chastise a monkey, why ask why when you have to even though you're told not to and many. many others. I prefer to be kept in the dark on most things. This way I have an excuse to not waste my time trying to explain something to someone because I am rather impatient and would rather have them figure it out themselves. This way, when they fuck it up, they can't blame me. That is the proper way to go through life. If you're reading this, then the website is working and everything is good, If you're not reading this, then maybe the website is down or maybe you have something better to do. It just boggles my mind with all the possibilities here. I kind of like it when my mind is boggled because it makes me feel like I felt the first time I saw a man decapitated by an errantly thrown Frisbee. I have seen a total of 4 people decapitated by errantly thrown Frisbees and it gets better and better every time it happens, kind of like eating cold macaroni and cheese. The thunk of the Frisbee hitting someone in the neck with great force causing the head to pop off is a wondrous sight to behold. Decapitated heads have a mind of their own because none of them bounce the same way. The first one I saw bounced twice before it stopped, yet the last one I saw bounced four times, hit a tree, ricocheted off the tree, hit a retired jockey on the stomach, bounced off and hit an active jockey in the right ankle, rolled around in a puddle of water and then came to rest in a sandbox full of Tonka trucks. Why they didn't bounce the same way is a complete mystery to me and that's the way I like it. Yet maybe all of this explained why the website was down for a while but hopefully not because it's not something you really want to know because you like mysteries as much as I do. COMING NEXT: Monkey sex! Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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