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Lunatic Ravings!
Jerome, our resident moron, gave me a call this past week and told me that he was going legit. I thought that was a good thing since morons need to go legit at some point of their life and most of them do by getting a job at a local grocery store collecting carts from the parking lot. Of course it wouldn't be that simple. Jerome decided that he wanted a job where he could meet hot chicks and thought he had found the perfect business to do so when he saw those public internet terminals advertised on tv and he had to act quick because spaces were running out quickly. Since Jerome was asking me for the "small" downpayment required for this business venture, I felt it was my duty to burst his dreams of meeting hot chicks and making tons of money by taking him to a local airport so that he could see firsthand what type of people actually used those internet terminals. Gee, imagine his surprise when he saw that nobody was using any of those new wave of the future public internet terminals. No hot chicks. No thousands of dollars being poured into the machines. No long lines waiting to log in to the internet. Just a barren section of the airport with a tumbleweed rolling across the floor in the dead silence on the unused public internet terminals. Jerome saw the errors of his ways and went back to being theweirdcrap.com lackey, a job he was born to do and do it well he does do it when he gets around to doing it. And we now have seemingly lost another chick who wrote for this site because Hooty McBoobs is MIA. Anyone know her whereabouts? Pray that someone does because if know one knows where Hooty disappeared to we will have to bring back someone we really don't like but will have to since we need something for the chicks worldwide so they can feel wanted and appreciated. And while all that was happening, the gremlins still continued their onslaught on my brain because I welcomed them into my body not knowing that they were going to use me for some quasi-evil shit. I believed their leader when I was told that they were going to use me as an experiment because they were tired of fucking around in machines and other inanimate objects and they wanted to branch out because they weren't having fun any more. Because of these gremlins, I got really pissed off when the CD player in my car ate 2 CD's and when it was brought down to the local dealership I was told that they didn't have the needed replacement part in stock and would have to call me which really angered me because that meant I had to listen to the radio where it's 2 songs and 10 minutes of commercials and the gremlins tweaked something in my brain and I called the car fixer guy a motherfucker which didn't go over too well with the dealership or the people who were having their cars fixed with parts that were in stock. I have accepted the gremlins as a new part of me. Even though I am losing more and more of my brain daily, I feel good because I have additional things in my body that weren't inserted into my ass but entered my body in ways that the common human mind couldn't comprehend, which should make me feel special (and it does) which makes it a good, wonderous thing. COMING NEXT: Less brain! Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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