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Lunatic Ravings!
If you tried to send me an email for the last week or so, chances are I didn't get it because someone decided that I wanted to receive hundreds of spam email daily which caused my mailbox to fill up and booting back any legitimate email that was sent. Hopefully this will be corrected soon because I refuse to be held hostage by some computer geek who's of legal drinking age by at least 10 years and still lives at home with a social life consisting of a pair of his mommy's old panties wrapped tightly around his dick. And what makes matters even worse is that now there is an official "lost episode" of my fine, fine column. I received an email from the webmaster of this site stating that he had lost my email containing my column. He also mentioned something along the lines of "Take that, whitey" which can only mean that Bob and his racial problems have extended to another member of the fine theweirdcrap.com family. Of course I don't have a copy of this lost column which kind of figures since I actually took some time showing the similarities between the Star Wars Kid and Bob, complete with links and various doodads and geegaws. But it's now probably permanently lost which is all of our losses. Still, this little roadblock set up by Bob and his new minion didn't deter me from seeking out some sort of revenge. Since I am slightly mentally unbalanced, this is something that I have to do. If there are some sort of dire consequences with what I do, I'll just have to deal with them later or just blow them off. I was out taking a walk when I came across a couple of police cars and an ambulance. There was a small crowd of onlookers looking at something so I hitched up my shorts and ambled on over to take a looksee. As I neared the cluster of cops and medics, a cop came running over and asked me what I thought I was doing. "Well," I said, "I'm a citizen and, dadgum it, I feel like I have every right to know what's going on especially since I'm a taxpayer and pay your salary!" I guess he had heard shit like this before because he replied with the standard "There's nothing for you to see here." "What do you mean by that?" I shrieked. "Sir," he replied, "I am going to have to ask you to leave." "Do you know who I am?" I asked. "No sir, I don't." "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?" I screamed. "Sir, I'm going to ask you to leave just one last time," replied Mr. Cool and Collected cop. "Fine," I yelled, "I'll leave, but you can bet that I, BOB SENITRAM that's B-O-B S-E-N-I-T-R-A-M, from OMAHA, NEBRASKA, am not going to take much more of this racial shit from a bunch of moronic Nevada pigs! Fuck you and fuck your mothers! Ha, try to find me motherfuckers!" With that said, I ran away. Later that evening I received a collect from someone named Lacrentia. After refusing to accept the call a couple of times, I decided to be a good samaritan and finally accepted the call. Lacrentia begged me for some money to bail out her boyfriend but I told her that if I was to send her some money, she would probably use it to buy beer and smokes. She promised that she would use to money to bail out her boyfriend who just happened to know me. As you can guess, her boyfriend was none other than Bob Senitram. From what I could understand, Bob and Lacrentia were just getting ready to do the ole nasty when there came a knocking on the front door. When a half naked Bob opened the door, he was greeted by a few dozen of Nebraska's finest who proceeded to beat Bob mercilessly about the face and neck with their brand new, shiny nightsticks as they made him promise to never call any of their brothers "pigs" ever again before they shackled his feet together and threw on a pair of handcuffs and a straitjacket for good measure. I guess cops really are a close knit nationwide fraternity. I guess I got my revenge. I also never did send any money to bail him out. I'll let him learn about racism the hard way. COMING NEXT: Who knows. This one will probably "get lost" too. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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