|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Lunatic Ravings!
It rained in the Las Vegas area a lot last week which would be nothing special in the rest of the country but, since Las Vegas averages 17 drops of rain every half century, it's a BIG THING. We're talking people dancing in the streets and parties galore. I didn't think too much about it until I found out from CNN that there was some serious flooding. The proof was a video of what I thought was a woman lying in a bed in a flooded patch of road. At first I thought it was one of my crack whores from the camp that I so graciously opened and I figured that they weren't in too much danger because they're a crack whore. Turns out it wasn't actually a bed that the lady was lying on, but the roof of a car. My compassion immediately disappeared because she was obviously stupid enough to drive her car into a large body of water that just happened to appear in a spot that it wasn't in just a few hours before. So she got her 15 minutes of fame because a helicopter had to come and rescue her. Instead of teaching her a lesson by dropping her a few times, they safely winch her into the copter and everyone is happy except me because I could care less. I could care less about things like this because I have no innards. This is not something of my own choosing. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and strange shit always happened whenever you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ask the decapitated doctor and you'll see what I mean. I remember walking down a dark alley in some town as I was trying to find an adult video store because I had to supply some entertainment for my fellow Cub Scouts. Instead of finding a video store I ran into a bunch of displaced Pakistani Germans who conned me into going with them to a high stake roulette game in a nearby basement. The next thing I remember is waking up naked in a bathtub full of ice in a swanky Motel 6. I called my parents and found out that I had been gonefor three days which didn't upset them in the least since I was quite the hyperactive child. When they came to pick me up, my mom started to freak out because my back was covered by a mass of stitches. My dad calmed her down by explaining that it was all a result of my hyperactivity since kids like me had a tendency to play with needles and thread a lot. I guess they weren't that smart because they should have figured that I really couldn't stitch my own back because I'm not one of those special double-jointed people. Even after the ordeal I obviously went through, I found that I had never felt better or even lighter that I ever had. For the next few years my life was as normal as any child's should be except that I couldn't pee or poo. I just figured that the shock of my ordeal caused this and it would take some time to wear off. When I decided to join the military and fight the Nazis/Japs/Redcoats/Commies I was turned down because I failed my physical. According to the doctor, I only had a spleen, left lung and a heart-like contraption built from rusty Erector Set parts. He figured that I wasn't built to be a superfantastic killing machine so I was given my walking papers even though I told him that I would make the perfect soldier since I would never have to pee or poo. I could just kill, kill, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL and KILL SOME MORE. That's why I have no compassion and why I could care less about someone stuck on the roof of a car in some flood water. COMING NEXT: I respond to the racially challenged Bob since I wanted to take a week to think of a good response to put him in his place because I am so much more mature than he will ever be. Take that Mr. Poopyface! Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
