|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Lunatic Ravings!
On the 185th day the dog jumped on the hood of my car as I followed the speed limit in the school zone since the striking of a bookbag laden child with a large automobile can and has caused great concern among the human populace on this world we call home. "Go", said the dog, "Go and spread the word. This word will become law and you will heed this law for, if you do not, the law will become unheeden and an unheeded law will become a law that nobody heeds." "Shall this law be the governing law for all living creatures?" I asked. "For if this law becomes the governing law it would behoove me to teach all at your behest to believe in your word." To which the dog replied, "Yes, it would behoove you to bring this law to the masses for I have been brought down through a hailstorm of spiders and mice which wouldn't actually be a hailstorm but there's no other word that I can think of to describe my description of what I had to go through to come to you." After he spoketh I spoketh and spoketh I, "Yet you are a dog and I am just me and there are those that would not believe that the words of a dog are the true words and if I was to show you to the people and you spoke then we would be burned like witches." "Ahhh, young master, that is because you are not a true believer yet," sayeth the dog. "You have tried to bring a new belief to the world and that just worked out to be nothing more than a pile of stinky poo. I am here to give you a little bit of credibility." Silence fell around me like a tissue gently falling to the ground in a tropical rainstorm. I pondered the words of the dog and pondered some more all the while mulling over what I had just been told. Finally I had a thought and spoke about this though. "I understand what you are saying. At this moment I feel like a freshly washed pillow that is full of great cheer and comfort. I only want everyone to feel as if they are a pillow like me, just not like one of those expensive space-age ones I have seen advertised." "I understand your feelings and wants," said the dog. "You must understand that not everyone wants to feel like a pillow though. Some might be more comfortable if they felt like a package of light bulbs or even a bag of peat moss. Those are things you cannot control and, quite frankly, are not things you should really concern yourself with because you would be concentrating on spreading the word." "Would I have to spread the word on a day I feel gassy?" I asked in a reverential tone. In a more reverential tone the dog replied, "On those days you are gassy you might not feel the need to spread the word but you must. You might not spread as much of the word as you would if it was a non-gassy feeling day. No matter the way you feel, the word must be spread." I finally understood and asked in awe, 'You mean like spreading butter on toast?" To which the dog responded in less awe than I, "Yes." COMING NEXT: I try to explain what this all means. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
