|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Lunatic Ravings!
(Note: This column is 100% from the mind of Stephen. He doesn't have to stoop to the level of having someone else write his column because he's lazy. Instead, when he's lazy, he just writes something nonsensical and shitty. Unlike Bob, he takes pride in what he does, and doesn't have to whore his column out unless he is being held by gunpoint and has no choice but to relinquish his writing duties to some retard like Jerome.) This October, people will be able to eat their dinners, read, watch television, plan their suicide, masturbate, roll the perfect joint, and wonder where their next paycheck is going to come from because they lost their job that day in total peace because there will be no more calls from those pesky telemarketers for those lucky millions who put their name on the no call list. But, because of our quest for happiness and peace, there are going to be quite a few people without jobs who might have to resort to a life of crime because the only job they know is telemarketing. When they find that their list of leads has dwindled to a few dozen a day, the depression will start to kick in and then there'll be hell to pay. What's so bad about someone calling about the latest low interest loan or satellite dish offer when we might have to deal ith these same people walking into the corner convenience store where we just happen to be nuking a burrito to stave of our latest munchie attack and instead of enjoying the bean and cheese goodness we find ourself held hostage by someone who was only trying to make a living by calling complete strangers to see if they wanted to renew their subscription to Mother Earth News. That's a situation I definitely do not want to ever be in. Some of you might now think that maybe you shouldn't put your name on that list because being a hostage could really, really suck. I say go ahead and put your name on the list and then start a petition in your neighborhood to close down all the convenience stores so that you will never find yourself drawn to one for a soda or a snack only to find yourself forced to lay on the ground by a disgruntled ex-telemarketer. Another thing to wonder about is where all these telemarketers are going to go. Since they are the outcasts of society, they will have no choice but to go work with the other outcasts of society so don't be surprised when a few hundred more fast food restaurants open up in your neck of the woods because the ex-telemarketers are going to have to work somewhere. So, for the next 3 months, please remember to treat all telemarketers with respect and dignity and DO NOT pretend you can't speak English or pretend you're slightly deaf and ask them to speak up until they're almost shouting or lie whenever they ask a question since these are the people who will know your name and where you live and when you ask to super size your order they will feel no guilt about leaving something a little extra in your Coke. And now the Supreme Court says it's okay for adult gay couples to have sex in their homes. I never thought this should have been a problem ever because I've always felt that if I wanted to realize my sexual fantasy which includes a candy cane, Tootsie Roll bank, a towel torn into 3 equal length lengths, a jar of pickle juice, numerous Tonka trucks and a liter of flat Sprite in my own home, I had every right to do so. What I do in my home is my own business as long as I'm not running a meth lab or cloning 2 headed sheep. Okay, that really went nowhere. I have no idea what that had to do with gay couples and the Supreme Court ruling. I just wanted to include Tonka trucks somewhere because they're so neat. COMING NEXT: A talking dog and Jesus' dad. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
