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Lunatic Ravings!
Nothing earth shattering or unordinary has happened to me the last week, so I think it's a good time to discuss what I have seen on television recently that has scared me a little bit. 1) The commercial for the Chevy Impala SS really scares me. This is the one where a couple are cruising down the road and the husband (I think) notices a police car in the rearview mirror. The driver starts to shit his pants when the lights on the police car come on and he looks to his wife (I think) and this is where it gets interesting. The wife is not a lady, but a man in drag. Somehow it seems to me that both the husband and wife parts are played by the same people, but I'm not sure. All I know is that there is something really wrong with the "woman" in the commercial and I have had many sleepless nights over this. But, don't ge me wrong. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a cross dresser in a commercial. However, there needs to be a better payoff on the commercial to make me want to buy this certain Chevy product and having no explanation of why there's a cross dresser in an Impala doesn't give me the warm and fuzzy feeling that I usually get from the good commercials. 2) On MSNBC, a interview was conducted with a man who has a website dedicated to Martha Stewart. This guy thinks people are being too harsh on Martha and he wants it to stop. If this guy represents all those who think Martha is nothing but good and pure, then Martha really is the antichrist. I don't know who gave this guy the idea of wearing a chef's hat during the interview, but it must have been someone who only pretends to be the guy's friend so that whenever he goes out in public he is assured to make a total ass of himself. Even though the chef's hat was fairly bad, some of the things this guy said made me wonder if a partial abortion of his brain with a rusty coat hanger occurred when he was in the womb. FIrst off, when the interviewer asked him what he noticed about Martha when she was in court, I was happy to learn that Martha was wearing a swell outfit along with (I think) leopard skin shoes. What great information! Now, did you know that Martha is like the Queen of England? So says chef hat man. Somehow I feel this is a bit wrong since I have never known of the Queen acting like a total bitch or trying to convince you to buy a Queen of England garden hose which splits open after only a month of limited usage. Lastly, if you don't love Martha, then you don't love your own mother. Again, this is from Mr. Martha Lover. I believe what he really meant to say was that he feels that Martha would be his perfect dream mama because his real mama tried to beat some sense into his head every day since he was incredibly stupid and she couldn't believe that he was yanked from her tummy. 3) I could care less about car racing, but I was appalled to hear that Winston would no longer be a sponsor. Instead Nextel, a cellphone company, will be the newest sponsor. This is very, very, very bad. Cigarettes never made anyone drive like an asshole, but cellphones do. Instead of young fans learning the benefits of tobacco and how relaxing tar and nicotine really are, they are going to demand cellphones which will cause the teenage death toll to rise on our highways. A drunk teen on the road is bad but a drunk teen talking on a cellphone while on the road is 100X worse. Pray for us all. COMING NEXT: Something I might take the time to write. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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