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Lunatic Ravings!
I'm just going to ramble on for a bit because I have nothing better to do. I finally saw the light last week. I feel like a new man because of this. I've been watching the looting in Iraq and have noticed that the people are leaving the good stuff behind. Where are the big screen televisions? As far as I can tell, the country is full of 27" televisions, which doesn't give you full satisfaction. Best Buy might want to look into expanding their base and open up a few hundred stores in Iraq. Talking about television, TV dinners don't give me any satisfaction like they did many, many years ago. I guess I can blame that on "Star Trek" since the last time enjoyed a TV dinner was when I was a kid and I watched an episode of "Star Trek" that scared the shit of me and gave me nightmares. So, I no longer like TV dinners nor do I like "Star Trek". I also had nightmares over "Westworld" and "The Poseidon Adventure" so I guess my parent raised as a weak child. No wonder I turned to alcohol at such a young, impressionable age. I have also had a recurring nightmare in which I'm chased by a gigantic wax creature that wants to capture me and tie me down so that it can drip hot wax on my nipples. Every psychiatrist I have told about this dream hasn't told me what the dream could mean but they assume that I still wet the bed for some freaky reason. I think the bestest ever idea for a reality show is to have a show where everyone that has ever participated in any way in any reality show be put to death on national tv. That would do a body good. Believe it or not, you STILL can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat. As you read this, someone somewhere is planning to sit outside a movie theater in order to buy tickets to the next "Star Wars" installment. I pulled weeds from our front yard this past weekend because our bastard neighbors either have a large meth lab in their garage or they refuse to weed their yard. Yes, it's their fault that we now have weeds because they have a shopping cart in their back yard and something about weed seeds blowing from their yard into our yard causing weeds to grow in our yard even though our yard was a weed free yard last year but now it's not because their yard is just one big weedy yard. Whatever happened to that freaky guy who said he had a group of people from around the world that were going to Iraq in order to form a human shield? Where have all the cowboys gone? I really wanted a Blizzard from Dairy Queen but couldn't locate one close, so they lost out on my business. When I was a little boy, I asked my mother what I would be. I asked her if I would be pretty or smart and this is what she said to me: "Just take your Ritalin and shut the hell up!" COMING NEXT: More from my mind. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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