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Lunatic Ravings 2003
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Lunatic Ravings!
Lunatic Ravings - 03/17/03
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday
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King Diamond---"Abigail"
As I promised last week, I have a couple of wonderful opportunities for everyone to partake in. Blame this sudden
attack of niceness on Melissa B. who was thinking about quitting her new career and taking the easy, Ron Harding
way out.
What I have here are two wonderful opportunities for you to amass great wealth and they are 100% legitimate.
At least I think they are.
******************************************************
From:
"Professor Frank Obi" <professorfranko@netscape.com>
Reply-To: professorfrank@ecplaza.net
To: snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
Subject: Sincere Proposition
Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 14:54:40
-0700
ATTENTION:MD/CEO
I am Professor Frank Obi, a solicitor at law and a partner at P.O.Williams and Co. I am the attorney to Mr. James
McCullough, an
expatriate, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Nigeria. On the 21st of April 1999, my Client, his
wife and their children were involved in a car accident along Sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle
lost their lives. Since then, I have made enquiries to several embassys' and home offices, to locate any of my
client's extended relatives, but this has also proved unsuccessful. I have contacted you to assist in expatriating
the estate left behind by my client before the estate reverts to the Government or his cash accounts declared unserviceable
by the bank where the deposit is lodged. Particularly, the Standard Security, where the deceased had an account
valued at about $38.6 million dollars has issued me, being the executor of the Estate, a notice to provide the
next of kin or have the account unserviceable, to carry out due process on the deposit,within the next twenty-one
working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating any relatives in the past 2 years since his demise, I
seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased to claim the deposit (plus interest) currently
with Standard Security As, executor of the Estate, I will be legally and fully involved in the claims process,
and therefore in a position to guide you through the processes as contained in the laws of our Land. I have all
relevant documents to wit, and all that is required is your honest co-operation to enable us successfully conclude
this "project". I guarantee that this will be executed under and within the dictates of the laws of the
Land as regards to Inheritance claims. Consequently,you will be protected from any breaches of these laws. I have
left the discussion and agreement for your renumeration for your involvement until you confirm your interest and
readiness to assist me in this project. Please get in-touch with me via my e-mail address to enable us discuss
further.
Regards.
Professor Frank Obi (Esq)
Telephone:234-1-776-0962
Fax:234-1-759-4725
******************************************************
Whoo-wee! Lookit that! Frank Obi wants YOU to make some serious money and he's
got quite a plan.
Some of you might be doubtful of Frank, but there are a few things you might not have noticed that prove to me
that Frank is speaking the whole truth, and nuthin' but the truth.
1) He's a PROFESSOR. That's right,
someone with that higher learning shit. You can't go wrong with that. A teacher is someone you should always trust
and rely on. Except for my German teachers because they wouldn't have one of those teacher/student affairs with
me that are such the rage these days.
2) His last name is Obi. I think
he invented a female applicator thingy so he's got a deep feminism side.
3) This email was sent on 6/3/03.
This means that it was sent from the future and we have ourselves some insider information here. Martha Stewart
probably wishes that she was so damn lucky.
4) I've been on that Sagbama express
road and it's a total bitch.
5) 38.6 MILLION DOLLARS.
Now you're interested. I can tell.
******************************************************
From:
"Muyiwa A. Ige" <muyiwa.ige@hush.com>
Reply-To: mige@hush.com
To: snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
Subject: Read carefully and reply
as soon as possible
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 20:38:02
-0800
Attachments
GREETINGS !
From: Mr. Muyiwa Ige.
Dear Sir,
I am taking this liberty anchored on strong desire to ask for your assistance for help. Your consent and urgent
attention will greatly be needed, devoid of apprehensions. First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction,
this is by virtue of its nature as being Utterly confidential and top secret. Though I know that a transaction
of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but i am assuring you of the authenticity and legality
of this venture. I have decided to contact you due to the urgency involve, I am using this medium of contact as
being the only option open to me for now so therefore bear with me.
I am Mr. Muyiwa Ige, the first son of James Ajibola Ige (SAN) the Attorney General of the federation/minister of
Justice under the present Government of President Olusegun Obasanjo, my Late father who was assassinated on the
23rd of December, 2001 by assailant's bullets in our Residential home in Ibadan-Nigeria. Until now no substantiated
arrests have been made but accusing fingers have been pointed on his political rivals/associates. I have no doubt
his death has some political undertone. With every hope and assurance my families secret which i am about disclosing
to you and which forms the basis of this request must be held at an utmost confidence.
The sum of thirty eight million united states dollars (USD$38,000,000) belonging to my late father was kept in
a private security company by myself and my family in europe which i will disclose the acutual location and contacts
to you after we must have reached some sort of agreements, trust and apprehension in this mutually beneficial venture.
I was advised by my father's attorney to change the direction of some of my father's fund immediately as the present
Government is interested to put a check in my father's account and then probe him in abscentia as the case of the
late head of state and commander in chief of the Armed forces, the late general Sani Abacha whose account was frozen
and brought the entire family to a stand still uptill date.
Please kindly help my family secure this substaintial amount, by standing as the sole beneficiary of the above
mentioned amount. Please note that as soon as we have reach a mutual trust and understading between both parties,
i will change all documents to reflect your name as the beneficiary and forward your particulars and necessary
documents to the security company in europe for the release of the funds physically to you, afterwhich you will
provide the security company an account in any part of the world for lodgement. Please note that the funds was
exported physically out of this country via diplomatic means, and you will visit the security company in europe
to claim the whole money physically.
A sharing formular has been worked out between myself and my attorney, you will be given 20% of the total of $38,000,000
(thirty eight million united states dollars), it will be included on our deed of conveyance/agreement that must
be signed and sealed by both parties. The entire members of my family will everly remain grateful if you could
save us from tomorrow's perceived abject poverty and stervation by ensuring that this money is successfully secured
into your nominated bank account and on schedule too. Upon your reply, you are expected to send as follow:
1. Your direct telephone and fax
numbers for easy/faster communication.
2. A detailed profile about yourself.
3. A copy of your drivers liscence
or international passport.
I thank you immensely for your kindest cooperation. You can call me on my direct telephone number for verbal discussion.
Direct tel: 009-2341-7763315 or direct fax: 009-2341-7593820
Truly Yours
Mr. Muyiwa Ige (For the family)
******************************************************
That was touching. He got me on "this liberty anchored with strong desire"
line and I'm still wiping the tears away.
It's a pretty straightforward request, but some of you might be leery about the request for a copy of your drivers
license or passport. C'mon, it's Muyiwa we're talking about here and he works for "the family".
Everyone knows that if you don't help "the family", you'll probably wake up with an animal head or, even
worse, Yvonne lying next to you in bed. It's advisable to help out "the family".
Finally......
If you happened to read "Ask Bob" from 3/7/03,
you may have noticed that he mentioned something about me sleeping in a park with a newspaper over my head.
Well, maybe that happened and maybe it didn't, but I got a story about Bob and a pubic hair that he found in his
pocket while he was trying to find some change to pay for his purchase of beer and pork rinds.
It might just shock and amaze you.
COMING NEXT: Bob's "magical"
pubic hair.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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