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Lunatic Ravings!
It's not that I hate them, it's just that I haven't heard of any that appeals to me. I could care less about a bunch of people in some far off land eating elephant testicles for breakfast then seeing who can stand in a inflatable pool filled with rusty nails, broken glass and rabid ferrets the longest. It just doesn't peak my interest. I could also care less about a bunch of kiddies with nifty hairdos attempting to sing a Captain and Tennille song in front of a pompous English jackass who gave the world the Spice Girls. (I'd still do Posh Spice, but that's neither here nor there.) I want something with meat. Something that would keep me glued to the tv screen for an hour. Something that I would look forward to watching every week. That would be porn. But we can't show porn on regular tv since it might offend someone in the bible belt and those are the last people we want to offend. They're the one's the advertisers covet because bible belt women love their sanitary napkins and the men can't live without the newest Stanley tool, which they probably use on their wives when they're not using one of the multitude of sanitary napkins for "that time of the month". So, I would do with a simple reality show revolving around porn stars. They could get Jill Kelly, Cheyenne Silver, Kobe Tai and Inari Vachs and have them live together in a house while the cameras roll. We would be able to get a first hand look at what these stars do when they're not making movies. What they shop for, what they watch on tv, what they do in their spare time and how they get prepared for their next movie. This would appeal to the coveted 18-35 male demographic because this show would feature beautiful women and men love beautiful women. Also, these are intelligent women and it might open up new avenues for them plus let everyone see them in a different light. It would be a learning program along with a little T & A. Nothing wrong with that. John C. also has an idea for a new reality show. (You can also read some other thoughts he has at http://sirenssilence.blogspot.com.) "Ever seen 'Celebrity Mole'? Where there's one minor celebrity who's a plant in the group of other minor celebs? I have an idea! We put all those minor celebs in with a serial killer. (Like anybody could tell the difference...) and we have a group of 10 retards (preferably mute retards) who have to agree on who is the killer. Each episode, one or two (or however many we can get rid of) celebs are killed, until the retards guess correctly. If they guess too early, we just start killing them too. By my count, we can get rid of 17 Baldwins this way!" John has a great idea here. Retards are rating winners because they are just so damned funny. Remember "I can drive a car?" from Corky? That was some funny shit. I still laugh to this day if I hear someone say it in a Corky-like voice. Laughs will erupt as we watch the retards gather together in a room to figure out who the killer is. As they stumble and bumble around the room trying to find a seat, we'll be rolling on the floor. When the show is over, we'll be waiting impatiently for the next episode because we want to see what those crazy retards will be up to next. Now, don't go and get all offended at the retard jokes. Corky aside, the actual retards that would be hired for this show would be the ones that sit and watch the reality shows of today and walk around the office the next day trying to find someone who's as pathetic as them so they can discuss what happened on the previous night's "American Idol", etc. I respect the mentally challenged more than anyone who watches reality shows. But, what about a mentally challenged person that watches reality tv shows? That's too fucked up to think about so I'll just thank John C. and go. Thanks John C!!! COMING NEXT: An update from Melissa B., the chicken pimp! Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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